"At what point did I promise to stay seventeen for the rest of my life?"

I knew this was going to be a tough read, but my god did my heart absolutely break for Britney throughout. She tells her story in such a raw, vulnerable way and it was just so surreal finding out everything that was going on with her that I either only knew about vaguely before or wasn't aware of at all. 

It's such an intensely moving and powerful read and, whilst I did find some parts lacking in detail, I can also see that going over everything would have been so traumatic for her and that she probably had to limit certain parts for her own sake. She also weaves in some great commentary on celebrity culture and the music industry and just does such a great job of holding multiple powers and abusers to account and really getting her own story and feelings and self across. 

Thank god she's free.

Ich bin froh es gelesen zu haben. Nicht unbedingt, weil es gut geschrieben ist, auf deutsch funktioniert es nicht so gut. Es geht auch wenig um Britneys Karriere und Erinnerungen an ihren Weg als Popikone. Sondern um ihre Perspektive zu erzählen zu all den Klatsch und Tratsch Geschichten, die wir über sie im Kopf haben. Diese Frau musste zu viel mitmachen, weil sie sich anderen Menschen unterordnen musste, bis hin zur totalen Fremdbestimmung. Und trotzdem ist sie so zurückhaltend und fast schon zu höflich, um ihren Emotionen freien Lauf zu lassen.

Und Justin kam noch viel zu heil bei der Story raus.

F- the patriarchy. Five stars. 

Coincidentally I read this book in the same week I watched episode 4 of The Penguin, which tells the story of Sofia Falcone’s gaslighting, forced institutionalisation, imprisonment and torture. 

We’re not supposed to feel bad for rich powerful privileged women right? 

Well, dammit, men will find a way regardless. To control, to silence, to gaslight, to abuse. 

Britney is certainly not the first woman celeb in history to go through this, and indeed many women have experienced this and worse, but this story matters so much. For these themes to come through in a bestseller by someone who the tabloids (i.e. abusers of the precious right to free speech, which others in the world are denied and die for) and streaming services love to exploit could be a good way to get these issues on the table in a big way, which is difficult for the “little guy” to achieve. Britney got the chance to publish a guaranteed bestseller and used her platform to highlight lifelong patterns of these issues. 

I will admit that I am not a very critical reader: I find something to like in almost everything I read, I can read almost any genre, and I tend to be especially forgiving of autobiographies/memoirs, because public figures are seldom the best writers! 
Britney is not a writer. But she tells her story authentically, with much reflection and what feels like a difficult honesty. The pacing is not slow and she doesn’t really belabour any points. Where she does refer to certain chapters of her life a lot, such as her relationships with Justin & Kevin, or her father’s many flaws, it’s clearly because those affected her profoundly, and she had a lot to say that could not be said before. Tbh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. She describes the awful things that happened to her while admitting to her own faults and apologising. 

After the forced mental “treatment” and rehab, violation of privacy, denial of basic rights, after all the content made without her consent, after having no control of her life for so long, after her creativity and passion were repeatedly stifled, after tabloids provoking then exploiting her merely to keep media shareholders rich, it’s great to hear her own voice. 

I grew up outside of the era where Brittney Spears was in the spotlight and I had little understanding or history going in. But coming out of this book I was inspired, heartbroken, angry and happy all at once. This book gave deep insight into Brittney as a person and the battles she dealt with behind the scenes, I am glad that she is now free and living life at her own discretion. I recommend this read, but know that it is not an easy read.

In this memoir, Britney Spears talks about her youth in a dysfunctional family. Her father was abused by his father. He in turn was abusive. She talks about her early times in the entertainment industry. She talks about becoming a music star. She talks about the conservatorship where her father was her conservator. She talks about the predatory media. She talks about the recording of some of her music and she talks about some of her tours. Neither her father, her mother, her sister, Justin Timberlake, nor ex-husband Kevin Federline come off very well in this memoir. This was a difficult book to read at points. Especially when she talked about the conservatorship. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to read Britney's side about what went on in her life. Be warned that it is difficult to read at times.

This isn't the most open memoir. It's very specific in what she chooses to talk about with huge gaps in time and themes and is written in a very immature tone. But I think that all really says something important in itself. It's the memoir of someone who didn't have a childhood, who didn't have an adulthood, who needed (and still needs) real therapy and support that they never got. What she shares of her life story is sad and the way she reflects on it is another kind of sad to me. It may be less the story of her life and more the story of all the betrayals she's suffered, but that's still a story I'm glad she can tell now.