girlie's main act in this book was doing the historical equivalent of going through her husband's phone. i feel like i read a completely different book than everyone else—this was all style, no substance, and the style was hit or miss...mainly a miss because it didn't seem to come naturally to the author and came off as a bit forced for the most part. the characters were so cardboard cutout and bland and there was no tension, no buildup, nothing for me to latch on to because it was just a bunch of random events strung together for like 600 years or something. i was so bored and this was such an underwhelming book for me, which i hate because i was so sure that, based on the way everyone was talking about this one (sexy vampires where? focus on sapphic desire where?), i was so sure it was going to be a favorite of mine.

if anything, it came off as a bit...cartoonish lol. the dracula in this book is not even slightly enamoring or charming—we're only supposed to feel that way because constanta says he is about 700 times, give or take. everything happens so damn fast and because the book is told from this way-too-self-aware-to-be-believable perspective, i felt like i was watching a badly scripted psa about emotional manipulation and abuse rather than reading a compelling novel about power dynamics, obsession, jealousy, and dominance.