Everything is tell – "he told her as much as he could", rather than a dialogue that shows his character by what he chooses to suppress; protagonist thinks about his friend's family and his own broken relationship, rather than them talking; DS asks how to get to Halifax from Harrogate, then after protagonist has told us says he'll use the SatNav.

Also, "the Yorkshire saying 'worth a bob or two'", that's just British. And "he agreed with George Orwell, tea had to be made properly", why are you bringing Orwell into this? Everyone thinks tea/coffee/chocolate ought to be 'made properly' to their own standard of 'proper'.