i don't understand why i'm giving it a four star instead of a five - there's no way I could explain it to you. or me. but i guess as illuminating and filled with light this book was, some parts of it dunked me into a bottomless sea, bottomless not because of how revelatory of myself they were, but revelatory of the world. by extension, me. but not directly in my line of sight. this makes no sense. in gist, some parts were beautiful and some were just depressing in the can't-believe-allosexuals sense.