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A review by princessrobotiv
The Last Guardian by Eoin Colfer
4.0
4 stars after consideration
--
While I respect the penultimate moment of crisis, particularly in how perfectly it resolved both the series-spanning question of Artemis's morality as well as the deeper problem of humanity's role in the destruction of the Earth, I wasn't entirely sold on how we got there. Primarily, I think Colfer's zany, sloppy plots in previous novels blocked him into a specific ending when we could have gotten something neater and more rewarding if he had been more deliberate with his choices.
For example, the appearance of "young Opal" in the current timeline, which was the result of the idiotic inclusion of Opal at the end of [b:The Time Paradox|2179276|The Time Paradox (Artemis Fowl #6)|Eoin Colfer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1522190483l/2179276._SX50_.jpg|2184954], forces Colfer to reckon with the dual existence of younger Opal and current Opal (as well as clone Opal, about whom I'll speak later). This is already a difficult situation to force yourself into because you have to discuss the obvious implications of, like, if Opal met Artemis and Holly years ago, why didn't the current Opal recognize Artemis immediately during the goblin rebellions?
Now, if it was Colfer's intention all along to have Opal go "nuclear," one would expect there to have been clues peppered in about many of the characters, magic, and "science" appearing in the final book. But the Berserkers, the Gate and Danu's incredible power that it can unleash, and even the very existence of so-called "black magic" all seemed to be pulled out of thin air.
The one thing that was established in previous volumes, and which acted as the final "gotcha" moment of the series, is that clones are empty husks because they don't contain a human soul. Literally the entirety of the final showdown between Artemis and Opal hinges on this, as well as Artemis's plot to resurrect himself after he sacrifices his life.
But that's not how cloning works!!! I just can't get over it, lmao. I get that this series is only scientific in the loosest sense of the word, but come ON--if you cloned a damn human, it would be a new damn human just with the same genes as the original. It wouldn't be an empty vessel.
Anyway, all those gripes aside, I did find this to be such an improvement from the last few volumes. The resolution to Artemis's moral journey from corrupt, emotionally-stunted bastard child to pretty decent (if egoistic and exasperating) dude was really well done. I can't really think of a better ending for him than the one he got, to be honest, even if I object to the way we got there.
I also want to point out that Artemis is a FANTASTIC example of a successful, believable redemption arc. I really feel that the redemption arc is going through its Dark Ages right now, considering the extent of both purity and cancel culture happening in online forums. It's rare for me to find a series that represents somebody who begins as a really objectionable, selfish, abusive villain and then transforms organically and realistically into a recognizable but much-improved version of themselves without compromising or attempting to retcon away the character's previous actions (yes, I'm talking about SJM's Rhysand). Artemis's arc doesn't quite reach ATLA's Prince Zuko level, but hey, I respect the hell out of it.
I also respected the continuous refrain of the other cast members telling Artemis, essentially, "Sit back and shut up, you're useless to us in this physical altercation." It was a great way to remind the readers of Artemis's relatable and consistent limitations while also lining up the moment at which he flips the script and saves the world.
Overall, I had a really good time reading this series. I wish that Colfer had been more deliberate in his plots, but I respect that the guy did whatever the fuck he wanted and somehow understood his characters well enough to pull it off despite the utter lack of a consistent central narrative.
I'm really not sure if I'll move on to [b:The Fowl Twins|39816061|The Fowl Twins (The Fowl Twins, #1)|Eoin Colfer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1556827623l/39816061._SY75_.jpg|61573637]. Myles and Beckett annoy me, and I'm really only interested in the Artemis and co. dynamic. But maybe someday.
--
If Artemis had voiced his plan at that moment, Holly would have been surprised. Not by the plan's genius -- she would expect no less -- but because of its selflessness. Artemis Fowl planned to attack with the one weapon Opal Koboi would never suspect him of possessing: his humanity.There was a nice return to the core themes and characterizations of the series in this final installment, which was greatly needed after the mess that was [b:The Atlantis Complex|7005865|The Atlantis Complex (Artemis Fowl #7)|Eoin Colfer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1522213238l/7005865._SX50_.jpg|7250253].
While I respect the penultimate moment of crisis, particularly in how perfectly it resolved both the series-spanning question of Artemis's morality as well as the deeper problem of humanity's role in the destruction of the Earth, I wasn't entirely sold on how we got there. Primarily, I think Colfer's zany, sloppy plots in previous novels blocked him into a specific ending when we could have gotten something neater and more rewarding if he had been more deliberate with his choices.
For example, the appearance of "young Opal" in the current timeline, which was the result of the idiotic inclusion of Opal at the end of [b:The Time Paradox|2179276|The Time Paradox (Artemis Fowl #6)|Eoin Colfer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1522190483l/2179276._SX50_.jpg|2184954], forces Colfer to reckon with the dual existence of younger Opal and current Opal (as well as clone Opal, about whom I'll speak later). This is already a difficult situation to force yourself into because you have to discuss the obvious implications of, like, if Opal met Artemis and Holly years ago, why didn't the current Opal recognize Artemis immediately during the goblin rebellions?
Now, if it was Colfer's intention all along to have Opal go "nuclear," one would expect there to have been clues peppered in about many of the characters, magic, and "science" appearing in the final book. But the Berserkers, the Gate and Danu's incredible power that it can unleash, and even the very existence of so-called "black magic" all seemed to be pulled out of thin air.
The one thing that was established in previous volumes, and which acted as the final "gotcha" moment of the series, is that clones are empty husks because they don't contain a human soul. Literally the entirety of the final showdown between Artemis and Opal hinges on this, as well as Artemis's plot to resurrect himself after he sacrifices his life.
But that's not how cloning works!!! I just can't get over it, lmao. I get that this series is only scientific in the loosest sense of the word, but come ON--if you cloned a damn human, it would be a new damn human just with the same genes as the original. It wouldn't be an empty vessel.
Anyway, all those gripes aside, I did find this to be such an improvement from the last few volumes. The resolution to Artemis's moral journey from corrupt, emotionally-stunted bastard child to pretty decent (if egoistic and exasperating) dude was really well done. I can't really think of a better ending for him than the one he got, to be honest, even if I object to the way we got there.
Artemis looked at Holly then and felt a tremendous affection for her. He wished that he could loop the past ten seconds and study it at a less stressful time so he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was.*chef's kiss* I LOVE seeing Artemis overcome with tenderness for the people in his life.
I also want to point out that Artemis is a FANTASTIC example of a successful, believable redemption arc. I really feel that the redemption arc is going through its Dark Ages right now, considering the extent of both purity and cancel culture happening in online forums. It's rare for me to find a series that represents somebody who begins as a really objectionable, selfish, abusive villain and then transforms organically and realistically into a recognizable but much-improved version of themselves without compromising or attempting to retcon away the character's previous actions (yes, I'm talking about SJM's Rhysand). Artemis's arc doesn't quite reach ATLA's Prince Zuko level, but hey, I respect the hell out of it.
I also respected the continuous refrain of the other cast members telling Artemis, essentially, "Sit back and shut up, you're useless to us in this physical altercation." It was a great way to remind the readers of Artemis's relatable and consistent limitations while also lining up the moment at which he flips the script and saves the world.
Overall, I had a really good time reading this series. I wish that Colfer had been more deliberate in his plots, but I respect that the guy did whatever the fuck he wanted and somehow understood his characters well enough to pull it off despite the utter lack of a consistent central narrative.
I'm really not sure if I'll move on to [b:The Fowl Twins|39816061|The Fowl Twins (The Fowl Twins, #1)|Eoin Colfer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1556827623l/39816061._SY75_.jpg|61573637]. Myles and Beckett annoy me, and I'm really only interested in the Artemis and co. dynamic. But maybe someday.