You Can't Scare Me is a bizarre Goosebumps book. The main protagonist, Eddie, and his group of friends have taken issue with a girl in their class, Courtney. The vast majority of this book is about Eddie and his friends trying to 'get even' with Courtney by scaring her. But here's the thing... R.L. Stine depicts Courtney as a somewhat reasonable character - her biggest flaw, in the eyes of Eddie and co, is that she's confident. Well, that and I suppose at one point she does throw bees at Eddie. Yes, bees. But I'm not convinced that Eddie didn't deserve it.

This isn't the first time we've followed an unlikeable protagonist in a Goosebumps book - Be Careful What You Wish For... being the most recent example - but what makes You Can't Scare Me so strange is how hollow the entire concept is. Allow me to provide an example of the injustices wrought on Eddie by Courtney: a neighbour's cat finds itself stuck up a tree, and so the neighbour asks Eddie to climb the tree (with the reasoning "all boys your age climb trees, don't they?") to help rescue the cat, but Eddie refuses because he's scared of heights. Then along comes Courtney and she doesn't hesitate to climb up that tree and help retrieve the stranded cat. And somehow that is supposed to provide further evidence that Courtney needs to be put in her place.

Now, I know this is a Goosebumps book and these characters are supposed to be around twelve years old, so perhaps, maybe, in the eyes of a twelve year old that is a valid reason for needing revenge. However, what catapults Eddie and his friends into truly unlikeable territory for me is that their method of revenge is so unnecessarily extreme when compared to the supposed wrongs Courtney has done them. They all agree and work together on a plan to scare Courtney. The plan is supposedly simple - they will steal a tarantula from their science class and then drop it on Courtney's head during a gym lesson. The logic in this book baffles me.

Anyway, after wasting most of the book with unlikeable characters trying to execute inept plans for unjustified reasons, R.L. Stine then rushes the inevitable climax which was quite clearly signposted pretty early into the book. I do like how the UK book cover is a little more subtle than the US when it comes to the climactic reveal. I didn't remember anything about this book, and I'm not surprised. The only noteworthy stuff that happens is relegated to the last five pages.

1/5

Goosebumps Ranked
1) Stay Out of the Basement - 4/5
2) Welcome to Dead House - 3.5/5
3) Piano Lessons Can Be Murder - 3.5/5
4) Night of the Living Dummy - 3.5/5
5) The Girl Who Cried Monster - 3.5/5
6) The Werewolf of Fever Swamp - 3.5/5
7) The Haunted Mask - 3/5
8) The Ghost Next Door - 3/5
9) Monster Blood - 3/5
10) Say Cheese and Die! - 3/5
11) Be Careful What You Wish For... - 2.5/5
12) The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb - 2.5/5
13) Let's Get Invisible! - 2/5
14) Welcome to Camp Nightmare - 2/5
15) You Can't Scare Me - 1/5