4.5 stars
"That's why writers write - to say things loudly with ink. To give feet to thoughts; to make quiet, still feelings loudly heard."
This book feels like it just gutted me emotionally. There are trigger warnings for: depression,

rape, cutting, suicide, schizophrenia

etc, so it's a very heavy book and difficult to read at times. I knew absolutely nothing going into this book, and that it was a Tarryn Fisher book and I've been wanting to read more of her books. I was immediately intrigued after starting it though, this book follows Senna, a thirty-three year old author who has been abducted and is trapped in a cabin in the wilderness. The only person with her at the cabin is Isaac, a man she knows.

“Humans weren’t made to carry someone else’s weight. We can barely lift our own.”

Immediately after starting this story I was intrigued because I wanted to know what happened and who abducted them and what was going on, but you quickly realize this isn't a story about abduction, it's a story about survival, physically and mentally. It's not so much about the abduction itself but Senna's depression and her struggle with survival (inside and outside of the cabin.) Senna is one of the most unlucky characters I've ever read about.

She got raped on Christmas morning, then got diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after, had to get both breasts removed, then got sent to the mental hospital after she had a break down, and now she's been abducted for nine months and has nearly died in this cabin. I mean does it really get worse than that?

So I understand why she's extremely depressed at times.

I really loved and adored Isaac's character. I love that he is a doctor and that he's the one who found her after she was raped, and he was the one to perform the surgery on her when she had breast cancer. I love that he was taking care of her for so long after and that he could've left the cabin but he didn't, he stayed with her. He loved her so much I could feel it, and it made me so emotional. I also love his obsession with music and wordless music and his tattoos of the rope around his body. He's such an interesting character.

“He kissed me with color, with drumbeat, and a surgeon’s precision. He kissed me with who he was, the sum of his life—and it was all encompassing. I wondered what I kissed him with since I was only broken parts.”

I love reading books that follow writers/authors because I love the way they talk about being a writer, and this book is no different. I love Senna's little insights about writing, and the way she talks about seeing the world differently because she's a writer. There's also a lot of thoughtful discussion on the existence of soul mates and whether there truly is "one" love of your life. I love with quotes like this: “There is a string that connects us that is not visible to the eye. Maybe every person has more than one soul they are connected to, and all over the world there are those invisible strings… Maybe the chances that you’ll find each and every one of your soul mates is slim. But sometimes you’re lucky enough to stumble across one. And you feel a tug. And it’s not so much a choice to love them though their flaws and through your differences, but rather you love them without even trying. You love their flaws.” I also love the way she describes Isaac: “Isaac is touch, and he is sound. He is smell and he is sight. I tried to make him a single sense like I did with everyone else, but he is all of them. He overpowers my senses."

Tarryn Fisher's writing is just so fucking gorgeous and I have loved every single book I've read from her so far. Her characters are flawed but they are so real and I can feel their pain. I felt emotionally drained after finishing the last few pages of this book and these characters will be on my mind for a very long time after this.

The last words of these books are hauntingly beautiful: “We are all going to die, but I’m going to die first. In the very last second of my life, I will think of you." Like I just wanted to die and cry.