It’s rare that I say this but this book is bad and if you, yes you, liked it you’re very fucking stupid. And probably straight. And what’s worse than being both stupid and straight? At that point you may as well throw in the towel. 

I am not here whining about the content although I do think CoHo is so full of shit she squelches when she walks. I don’t care about the content. I also don’t care that there’s personal experience as the inspiration. Guess what! I have personal experience with the topic too! And frankly I don’t care about that discourse. 

My beef here is with the writing. The horrible, bad, shameful writing that the average eleven year old turns in for creative writing assignments. Everything has to be spelled out because god forbid anything is just shown or implied. The dialogue is worse than your worst teen drama. Nobody behaves like an adult and nothing’s researched. People often say something reads like fanfiction when it’s bad and it’s still too generous here. This is for people who liked Y/N self insert celebrity drabbles but also have really bad brain damage. 

A Venn diagram of fans of this book and women who vote red because their husbands are republicans is a circle. It’s little things like the pet gay who’s a nasty stereotype. The scandal of someone being nice to a homeless person (???). Being shocked that someone intelligent smokes pot. This book feels like it wants to call me a slur at all times. 

I didn’t even get into the whole Ellen thing which… holy shit. I will say that anyone who finds Ellen that goddamn funny is a walking red flag and the big romance really igniting because they watch the Ellen show together and laugh is absolutely chilling. It’s Romney saying his favorite meat is hot dogs realness.