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A review by geraldine
Watchmen by Alan Moore
i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry to all my fans and friends and loved ones but i cannot hide the truth (that i read this again last week)
the last time i read this i was 18 years old in my college dorm eating chocolate covered altoids the whole time (that i had gotten as a "christmas present") and they were absolutely disgusting but i did kind of want some this time. you know... Nostalgia....
(see that's a reference to the comic. did you get it. i'm #clever)
spoiler tag unfortunately for some Hot Takes please don't read
so i haven't read this in like 12 years. i only flipped it open at all because i reread that horrible 90s watchmen script and it was both way worse and WAY funnier than i remembered. except i got to the part in the script where rorschach breaks into dan's apartment and eats beans and in it, he puts them on a PLATE and i was like. A PLATE??? A PLATE??? this has been haunting me since i read it but then I second guessed myself so i went back to check and of course there was no plate obviously but by then it was too late.
anyway my actual hot take this go-round was that i fucking hate jon osterman. i hate this fucking man. he sucks SO BAD i hated him SO MUCH!!! laurie is the best character and i want jon dead. the other two worst people in the cast die by the end but why does JON GET TO LIVE!!! I WILL FLY TO MARS AND KILL HIM MYSELF
he is so nasty and SO manipulative. "boohoo laurie you left me and because of that i will damn the world into dying in a nuclear war, If You Don't Care About Me I Don't Care About The World" shut the FUCK UPPPPPPP also what kind of fucking creep, she was 16 and he was like 35 when they started dating. janey slater all "you're chasing jailbait now?" SHE IS RIGHT AND SHE SHOULD SAY IT
like yes dan is like 10 years older than laurie too but my god at least they only got together when she was 35!!
anyway laurie is the best character. she is so funny and honestly usually has the right idea. telling jon off, calling out her mom's rapist in public, being the only person to literally just try to shoot adrian at the end. her going on and on about how stupid of an idea it was to break rorschach out of jail up to and including saying that TO HIS FACE was excellent. i mean what other reaction is there when you're trying to have sex with your new bf and you're like flirtatiously asking "hey what should we do next ;)" and he's like "let's break into a maximum security prison to save my creepy weirdo friend who you loathe ;)"
i honestly have a lot of genuine not joking thoughts about the entire thing, character contrasts, additional hot takes, but i am sparing you because my lunch break is over. if you ask i will tell you but also you should not ask
i will say i was struck by how well done the pacing was especially in the second to last... chapter/issue. you know. the end. really solid
the tv show sounded interesting but i heard bits and pieces of what happened with laurie and adrian and that turned me off completely. i wish the story was just about the new characters so i could find out about them and not get pissed
anyone have any chocolate covered altoids
the last time i read this i was 18 years old in my college dorm eating chocolate covered altoids the whole time (that i had gotten as a "christmas present") and they were absolutely disgusting but i did kind of want some this time. you know... Nostalgia....
(see that's a reference to the comic. did you get it. i'm #clever)
spoiler tag unfortunately for some Hot Takes please don't read
Spoiler
i am doubly sorry now that you've clicked the spoiler tag. please unclick itso i haven't read this in like 12 years. i only flipped it open at all because i reread that horrible 90s watchmen script and it was both way worse and WAY funnier than i remembered. except i got to the part in the script where rorschach breaks into dan's apartment and eats beans and in it, he puts them on a PLATE and i was like. A PLATE??? A PLATE??? this has been haunting me since i read it but then I second guessed myself so i went back to check and of course there was no plate obviously but by then it was too late.
anyway my actual hot take this go-round was that i fucking hate jon osterman. i hate this fucking man. he sucks SO BAD i hated him SO MUCH!!! laurie is the best character and i want jon dead. the other two worst people in the cast die by the end but why does JON GET TO LIVE!!! I WILL FLY TO MARS AND KILL HIM MYSELF
he is so nasty and SO manipulative. "boohoo laurie you left me and because of that i will damn the world into dying in a nuclear war, If You Don't Care About Me I Don't Care About The World" shut the FUCK UPPPPPPP also what kind of fucking creep, she was 16 and he was like 35 when they started dating. janey slater all "you're chasing jailbait now?" SHE IS RIGHT AND SHE SHOULD SAY IT
like yes dan is like 10 years older than laurie too but my god at least they only got together when she was 35!!
anyway laurie is the best character. she is so funny and honestly usually has the right idea. telling jon off, calling out her mom's rapist in public, being the only person to literally just try to shoot adrian at the end. her going on and on about how stupid of an idea it was to break rorschach out of jail up to and including saying that TO HIS FACE was excellent. i mean what other reaction is there when you're trying to have sex with your new bf and you're like flirtatiously asking "hey what should we do next ;)" and he's like "let's break into a maximum security prison to save my creepy weirdo friend who you loathe ;)"
i honestly have a lot of genuine not joking thoughts about the entire thing, character contrasts, additional hot takes, but i am sparing you because my lunch break is over. if you ask i will tell you but also you should not ask
i will say i was struck by how well done the pacing was especially in the second to last... chapter/issue. you know. the end. really solid
the tv show sounded interesting but i heard bits and pieces of what happened with laurie and adrian and that turned me off completely. i wish the story was just about the new characters so i could find out about them and not get pissed
anyone have any chocolate covered altoids