This book is mesmerizing and difficult to put down. Jay Asher captures the teenage voice in a dual narration that is heartbreaking and compelling and sometimes even funny all at once.

The three stars I have given has nothing to do with the writing or the characterization or the unquenchable interest this book sparked in me. The reason I gave Thirteen Reasons Why only three stars is because of two problems I had, the second being bigger than the first.

One
Clay is too perfect. His spotless reputation. His tender relationship with his mother. His way of winning the hearts of all the high-school kids who make fun of absolutely everyone else. Yes, Clay has the minor flaw of apathy, but even this is remarkably and understandably transformed from the first page to the last.

Spoiler

I just finished reading Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver, which may have set a high standard for a tangibly flawed character, but it bothers me so much that the thirteen tapes are for twelve people who horribly used Hannah... and Clay. And the tapes weren't because he hurt her in any way whatsoever. In fact, he made Hannah feel special and wonderful, but she wanted him to know what happened to her and she wanted to say sorry. And yet Clay sat with Tony at the end as they said it was a little bit of everyone's fault. This left a bad taste in my mouth. In the back of the book, Jay Asher said that he wrote this book in part as a reminder of the impact of what we say and do to people. But Clay was perfect. Never unkind, not even when he would lie to his mother. Always nice.

I would have been extremely impacted if Clay had been some true source of the pain Hannah experienced. He didn't have to be as awful as Bryce. But he could have done something. Instead, because his guilt was not real, at all, the moral of the story fell a little flat for me. I found myself rolling my eyes at Clay's guilt and feeling confused as to why Hannah would set the burden of knowing everyone who hurt her on his shoulders when she admitted that Clay did not make her want to die. He was simply too late to help her.

Two
When I was 15, I lost a close friend to suicide. It was devastating, and one of the hardest things I've ever experienced to this day.

If you're a teenager and reading this, please do not be offended by my next words. I'm only a few years out of my teens, myself, and I dealt with a lot of depression and thoughts of suicide when I was younger. But the thing is, teenagers and young people often feel immortal. When you are young, it's hard to grasp the true impact of what it means to die and be gone forever, especially if you have never experienced the death of a loved one. Because of this, suicide can seem glamorous. Poetic. A little romantic. The perfect revenge for everyone who has done you a wrong turn.

Let me get something straight.

Suicide is not glamorous.

Your parents or your little sister or your grandmother will find your body, and it will only be traumatic and horrifying and devastating. People who love you (because there are people who love you) will be scarred. Forever. Suddenly their lives will be marked by a distinct "Before" and "After." And that line between how life was and how it is now will forever change them. You will damage everyone in your world who loved you and your life will be over. The people you hurt will have chances to grow and move on and do wonderful things, and you won't. Because you will be dead.

Thirteen Reasons Why gives suicide too much glamor, in my opinion. The beautiful girl with a tragic past, recording her secrets on old cassette tapes and blackmailing everyone who has ever hurt her. That perfect "screw you" moment to the bad guys, the gentle kiss and goodbye to her crush, everything unfolding exactly how she hoped. Falling asleep from sleeping pills because she just "couldn't bear" for her parents to find her hanging. And best of all, her death made a difference.

Spoiler

Clay is going to rescue Skye from depression that stole Hannah.

Young adults are not stupid. It's not like reading this book will convince a bunch of angsty 16-year-olds to go and swallow a bunch of pills. But I'm afraid that Thirteen Reasons Why will continue to perpetuate this romantic idea of teenage suicide, when it isn't that way at all.

Suicide is only horrible. I promise you.