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A review by toggle_fow
Free the Darkness by Kel Kade
5.0
This book is L U D I C R O U S and my experience reading it was one of ABSOLUTE, SHEER GLEE.
Rezkin is a flawless, perfect assassin who has been trained from birth to phenomenally excel at every possible skill known to man. He was meant to be some perfect tool for the king, but his dying mentor muddled the rules through his death wheezes and accidentally mis-programmed him. Now, instead of "killing without conscience" he's killing WITH conscience and instead of "protecting and honoring the king" he's protecting and honoring his FRIENDS. I died. Like, oh whoops! You forgot to close the end of one of your nested html tags. Your killer robot is now baking people cookies and reminding them to drive safely.
He wanders across the country seeking answers about his identity, protecting his hapless friends, and taking control of the nation's criminal underworld whenever he has a spare hour. It's amazing. He literally never makes a mistake. Incredible. Truly iconic.
Listen. It's time for some straight talk. You know I like "People Doing Things Perfectly" as a trope. I love Grand Admiral Thrawn. I love Ender Wiggin. I know it's dumb, but I am nothing if not a creature of irrational urges. I don't pretend to argue that this book has literary merit. I simply state that it made me feel exactly the emotions I want to feel.
I'm the kind of person who goes back to the first, really weak dungeons after beating a video game just for the pure joy of effortlessly mashing level 5 enemies now that I'm at level 104. King's Dark Tidings is the book version of that experience, basically.
The protagonists only weakness is that... gasp... he is TOO PERFECT? Sign me UP. I LOVE it when my protag is ridiculously overpowered. I LOVE IT when there is like, no actual question about who is going to win in an encounter. I LOVE it when he is always so much better and so far ahead of everyone else that he might as well be a god. I'm weak. I admit it. The book is just one slightly-varying montage of one hapless enemy after another coming up against the insanely overpowered protag and getting ground into the dust? I LIVE FOR THAT.
Nuance? Flawed characters? Complex narrative? These little literary details are nothing compared to that glorious moment when 500 assassins attack 1 guy and they all lose, and the last assassin, in awe, gasps "Who are you?" before he takes his last breath. It's great. Some people read romance novels to get this kind of a dose of unrealistic, self-indulgent wish-fulfillment, I guess. This is my version of that.
Speaking of romance, that was the bad part of this book. We all know Rezkin is just there to be perfect and drool over. I would rather drool over his impossible competence, though, than over fifteen excruciatingly detailed descriptions of his cut abs. It got a little gross how every girl spent 100% of her time ogling him, and the narrative just reinforced that with loving odes to his chest muscles and how TALL he is and how BRIGHT his eyes are and how BLUE, and how STRONG and FIT he is.
It was like that one passage in the middle of Ben-Hur when all the boat passengers are eyeing Ben-Hur's ripped arms wondering ~who IS this mysterious and handsome stranger~ except... for the WHOLE BOOK. This, I could have done very well without. I suppose when a book is dedicated almost entirely to wish-fulfillment fantasy, though, it would be too much to expect to entirely avoid this type of cringe.
9/8/2018 Edit: I re-read this to refresh myself before diving into the newly-released book 4. On this go-around, let's talk about the only real question people have about reading a self-published fantasy book from Amazon: How much does this book read like mediocre fanfiction?
I would give King's Dark Tidings a mediocre fanfiction score of "Kind Of A Lot" for several reasons. Notice, first, that I didn't say BAD fanfiction. The story overall makes sense and is a huge amount of fun to read, and this isn't My Immortal. What I do have to say is this:
Clunky Phrasing
This book uses a LOT of awkward, stilted references to Rezkin and other characters when the author doesn't want to say "he" again. He's often called "the warrior," "the striking young man," "the young warrior," etc., and it gets pretty grating pretty fast.
Also, whenever Rezkin is supposed to sound intelligent or educated, sometimes the language devolves into utter tryhard babble. There's one place where it says that the king "would not concern himself with the rise of a criminal overlord whose kingdomwide influence could undermine and destabilize the reigning institutional power structure and ultimately result in the development of an insidious demagogical paradigm" and that isn't even the end of the sentence. Like jeez, get a hold of yourself.
Rezkin's Ridiculous Competence
This one is kind of cheap, since Rezkin's Ridiculous Competence is, in fact, the whole point of the book, and also the main thing I enjoy most about the book. However, especially at the beginning where he has just left his fort and is dipping his toes in the real world for the first time, Rezkin's knowledge is so thorough and over the top that at points it's almost comical.
A local nobleman is in the way of his plans? Rezkin just happens to know the burial location of a literal skeleton in his closet because one of his trainers just HAPPENED to have "discovered his secret" for some useless reason. Chartering a boat ride? Rezkin just happens to know the exact going rate for boat rides between point A and point B. Visiting a military fort? Rezkin just happens to already know the "layout and typical guard schedules and routes." Certainly he spent his whole life training to be an assassin and details like this would come in handy, but... he knows EVERY price for EVERY possible boat ride in the kingdom?
He also gets a suspicious amount of help from luck. An "unexpected gust of wind" snatched a paper he wanted to see from someone's hand just to deposit it next to him. People choose to stand and gossip about their plans "just on the other side of Rezkin's hiding spot." When things like these keep piling up, it gets a little laughable.
Everyone's Massive Crush On Rezkin
This is the one thing that makes this book MOST resemble mediocre fanfiction. It's also the one thing that downgrades the series itself in my opinion, and the reason I would consider dropping stars from any and all of the books, despite them being glorious fun to read. Everyone, including the author and excluding only Tam, is massively sexually attracted to Rezkin. This has the effect of making the book thirty times cringier than it would be otherwise, and of contributing to the objectification and trivialization of almost every female character.
When I first read this book, I couldn't tell if it had been written by a man with a MASSIVE wish fulfillment fantasy, or a woman with an equally massive amount of internalized misogyny. I'm still conflicted, but I think it most closely resembles the way female authors write their desire-object men in romance novels.
We present for the court's consideration, exhibits A through G:
Now I ask you, honorable ladies and gentlemen of the jury, to consider: Kel Kade is supposedly a man, but would a MAN write that? Would a man have said "silky black mane" and earlier in the book referred to Rezkin's hair as "damp tresses"? AND YET, would a woman have written Reaylin like this? It's possible, but usually when there's far too many usages of the word "breasts" that's a hallmark of a male author. The conspiracy only thickens from here.
Whoever the author truly is, we know two things about them for sure. First: they are gross. Second: they are indeed very familiar with the nature of mediocre fanfiction.
Rezkin is a flawless, perfect assassin who has been trained from birth to phenomenally excel at every possible skill known to man. He was meant to be some perfect tool for the king, but his dying mentor muddled the rules through his death wheezes and accidentally mis-programmed him. Now, instead of "killing without conscience" he's killing WITH conscience and instead of "protecting and honoring the king" he's protecting and honoring his FRIENDS. I died. Like, oh whoops! You forgot to close the end of one of your nested html tags. Your killer robot is now baking people cookies and reminding them to drive safely.
He wanders across the country seeking answers about his identity, protecting his hapless friends, and taking control of the nation's criminal underworld whenever he has a spare hour. It's amazing. He literally never makes a mistake. Incredible. Truly iconic.
Listen. It's time for some straight talk. You know I like "People Doing Things Perfectly" as a trope. I love Grand Admiral Thrawn. I love Ender Wiggin. I know it's dumb, but I am nothing if not a creature of irrational urges. I don't pretend to argue that this book has literary merit. I simply state that it made me feel exactly the emotions I want to feel.
I'm the kind of person who goes back to the first, really weak dungeons after beating a video game just for the pure joy of effortlessly mashing level 5 enemies now that I'm at level 104. King's Dark Tidings is the book version of that experience, basically.
The protagonists only weakness is that... gasp... he is TOO PERFECT? Sign me UP. I LOVE it when my protag is ridiculously overpowered. I LOVE IT when there is like, no actual question about who is going to win in an encounter. I LOVE it when he is always so much better and so far ahead of everyone else that he might as well be a god. I'm weak. I admit it. The book is just one slightly-varying montage of one hapless enemy after another coming up against the insanely overpowered protag and getting ground into the dust? I LIVE FOR THAT.
Nuance? Flawed characters? Complex narrative? These little literary details are nothing compared to that glorious moment when 500 assassins attack 1 guy and they all lose, and the last assassin, in awe, gasps "Who are you?" before he takes his last breath. It's great. Some people read romance novels to get this kind of a dose of unrealistic, self-indulgent wish-fulfillment, I guess. This is my version of that.
Speaking of romance, that was the bad part of this book. We all know Rezkin is just there to be perfect and drool over. I would rather drool over his impossible competence, though, than over fifteen excruciatingly detailed descriptions of his cut abs. It got a little gross how every girl spent 100% of her time ogling him, and the narrative just reinforced that with loving odes to his chest muscles and how TALL he is and how BRIGHT his eyes are and how BLUE, and how STRONG and FIT he is.
It was like that one passage in the middle of Ben-Hur when all the boat passengers are eyeing Ben-Hur's ripped arms wondering ~who IS this mysterious and handsome stranger~ except... for the WHOLE BOOK. This, I could have done very well without. I suppose when a book is dedicated almost entirely to wish-fulfillment fantasy, though, it would be too much to expect to entirely avoid this type of cringe.
9/8/2018 Edit: I re-read this to refresh myself before diving into the newly-released book 4. On this go-around, let's talk about the only real question people have about reading a self-published fantasy book from Amazon: How much does this book read like mediocre fanfiction?
I would give King's Dark Tidings a mediocre fanfiction score of "Kind Of A Lot" for several reasons. Notice, first, that I didn't say BAD fanfiction. The story overall makes sense and is a huge amount of fun to read, and this isn't My Immortal. What I do have to say is this:
Clunky Phrasing
This book uses a LOT of awkward, stilted references to Rezkin and other characters when the author doesn't want to say "he" again. He's often called "the warrior," "the striking young man," "the young warrior," etc., and it gets pretty grating pretty fast.
Also, whenever Rezkin is supposed to sound intelligent or educated, sometimes the language devolves into utter tryhard babble. There's one place where it says that the king "would not concern himself with the rise of a criminal overlord whose kingdomwide influence could undermine and destabilize the reigning institutional power structure and ultimately result in the development of an insidious demagogical paradigm" and that isn't even the end of the sentence. Like jeez, get a hold of yourself.
Rezkin's Ridiculous Competence
This one is kind of cheap, since Rezkin's Ridiculous Competence is, in fact, the whole point of the book, and also the main thing I enjoy most about the book. However, especially at the beginning where he has just left his fort and is dipping his toes in the real world for the first time, Rezkin's knowledge is so thorough and over the top that at points it's almost comical.
A local nobleman is in the way of his plans? Rezkin just happens to know the burial location of a literal skeleton in his closet because one of his trainers just HAPPENED to have "discovered his secret" for some useless reason. Chartering a boat ride? Rezkin just happens to know the exact going rate for boat rides between point A and point B. Visiting a military fort? Rezkin just happens to already know the "layout and typical guard schedules and routes." Certainly he spent his whole life training to be an assassin and details like this would come in handy, but... he knows EVERY price for EVERY possible boat ride in the kingdom?
He also gets a suspicious amount of help from luck. An "unexpected gust of wind" snatched a paper he wanted to see from someone's hand just to deposit it next to him. People choose to stand and gossip about their plans "just on the other side of Rezkin's hiding spot." When things like these keep piling up, it gets a little laughable.
Everyone's Massive Crush On Rezkin
This is the one thing that makes this book MOST resemble mediocre fanfiction. It's also the one thing that downgrades the series itself in my opinion, and the reason I would consider dropping stars from any and all of the books, despite them being glorious fun to read. Everyone, including the author and excluding only Tam, is massively sexually attracted to Rezkin. This has the effect of making the book thirty times cringier than it would be otherwise, and of contributing to the objectification and trivialization of almost every female character.
When I first read this book, I couldn't tell if it had been written by a man with a MASSIVE wish fulfillment fantasy, or a woman with an equally massive amount of internalized misogyny. I'm still conflicted, but I think it most closely resembles the way female authors write their desire-object men in romance novels.
We present for the court's consideration, exhibits A through G:
a)"Warrior was indeed an apt description, but only in part. The stunning, yet imposing, young man was so much more than that." -- Guildmaster Asden, who just discovered that he's into D/s.
b)"Somehow, whether it was the circumstances leading to the fight, the mind-numbing rage, or basic female nature, neither girl remembered to employ any of the fighting techniques they had learned. The confrontation devolved into a brawl of slapping, scratching, and hair-pulling." -- Two girls literally having a catfight over Rezkin. Basic female nature!? Reaylin is supposed to actually be a trained warrior! Can you imagine any woman warrior protagonist in any good fantasy involved in this farce? So cringey.
c)"He absolutely had no desire to be left alone with the neurotic female." -- Tam, and I don't blame him since Reaylin's whole personality is made up of obnoxiousness and sexual aggression.
d)"She appeared to be trying to hide the fact that she was wearing a dress and emphasize her exposed assets at the same time." -- Reaylin, who, did I mention, has NO PERSONALITY outside of obnoxiousness and sexual aggression?
e)"The agile young man skillfully maneuevered so that he did not have to make physical contact with the fawning woman, but she shamelessly watched his backside as he crossed the room." -- Reaylin, YET AGAIN. (Also note the usage of clunky characterizations like "agile young man" and "fawning woman" instead of names or pronouns.)
f)"It looked to him like the Maker had personally sculpted Rezkin to represent the ideal male form." -- Tam, only saying what everyone else is thinking.
g)"His silky black mane, now wet, clung to ridged muscles flexing beneath, and rivulets of water ran down the dips and valleys of his back. The warrior" okay ACTUALLY you know what, I can't make myself type this entire one out. You're welcome. Just know that it's an entire massive paragraph detailing the glories of Rezkin's body as he takes a bath and two pervy girls spy on him from the bushes. It ends with the stirring line, "His pale skin shone in the sun like the personification of a god carved in alabaster." *distant sounds of me gagging*
Now I ask you, honorable ladies and gentlemen of the jury, to consider: Kel Kade is supposedly a man, but would a MAN write that? Would a man have said "silky black mane" and earlier in the book referred to Rezkin's hair as "damp tresses"? AND YET, would a woman have written Reaylin like this? It's possible, but usually when there's far too many usages of the word "breasts" that's a hallmark of a male author. The conspiracy only thickens from here.
Whoever the author truly is, we know two things about them for sure. First: they are gross. Second: they are indeed very familiar with the nature of mediocre fanfiction.