I'm seeing a lot of reviews that found this book hard to read. I didn't find it hard to read at all, maybe because a lot of it was so familiar to me. The Westovers don't live far from me, so I know the area and understand the Mormon culture that can lead to this level of extremism.

Parts of Tara's upbringing were also very familiar to me--only my father was kind and loving and there was no abuse.

But the 'higher law' extra stuff? The feeling that I was being raised in a different (more exacting) church than my Mormon peers? The preoccupation with 'end of days'? The modesty culture? Oh yes.

This quote in particular hit home for me:

“I believed then--and part of me will always believe--that my father's words ought to be my own.”

I know my siblings have struggled with this as well. Our dad always knew everything, just as Tara's did (though again, ours was gratefully a kind and gentle, non-yelling, non-swearing, non-abusive version) and we'd often find ourselves in situations where we felt like we needed to explain some aspect of our upbringing or belief system or values and fall short because dad's words weren't our own, or they felt foreign in our mouths. We were never any of us as good as--or persuasive as--dad.

I've also read a lot of push back from people who just can't understand why someone would continually return to an abusive situation over and over, as Tara does with her older brother (and parents). I know this must be very difficult to understand if you have not experienced abuse. I survived an abusive relationship for 3 years (not counting the stalking years that followed). This is not long compared to Tara's experiences over a lifetime, but it still took me over a decade to more fully come to terms with what happened, and 20 years later, I STILL have questions about my abuser's intentions and can still find myself making excuses for him. When the person abusing you is someone you care about, it can be an *extremely* complicated and difficult situation to extricate yourself from. I can't imagine having your own parents and family members involved in the gaslighting and protecting of the abuser as Tara describes. It's incredible she made it out at all. I'm not an abuse expert, but slapping the term 'Stockholm Syndrome' on what Tara experienced (something I see repeated in the reviews here) is *greatly, greatly* oversimplifying her situation.

I found Tara's memoir carefully written. She was good at reminding us that the way she remembered events were sometimes different than how her siblings remembered them. I know two people can grow up in the same family and have very different experiences. The fact that some of her siblings refuse to corroborate her story does not mean Tara's experiences aren't valid and true for her.

The book is very brave, very thoughtful, and incredibly thought provoking.

For those who are skeptical of how she was able to obtain this education, church-funded BYU is less expensive than other options, and she had help in obtaining grants, scholarships, and fellowships. Her mother helped her obtain their tax returns for funding. I found everything very believable.