ok so, i will try to keep it as short as possible; i doubt anyone is really reading reviews, but i doubt that anyone is reading LONG reviews even more and if i start yapping, i won't stop.

this was almost perfect to me. i wanted to rate it 5 stars, but something about it just wasn't perfect enough?? i think it was the lack of real action because while i do love symbolism and love things i can analyze more than anything (because the complexity of a character and their relationship is more important to me than anything), i do feel like it could get boring at times; and i get it. it makes sense. marian was supposed to be "abnormally normal" and she was. but understanding the reasoning behind it doesn't mean i necessarily liked it. so, it ended up being a 4.75 read for me.

this definitely isn't a book for everyone, but it was for me. i could really see myself in marian and i think a lot of women / afab people can. i really liked the metaphors used in this book and i especially loved marian's dynamic with duncan (not romantically, sexually or platonically but a secret fourth thing). i could probably talk about it for hours (and i did. sorry to my friends who had to listen to me).

and the ending was truly satisfying for me as well. i don't think i've ever rooted for a main character more in my life and i think it was sort of inspiring too for those of us who see themselves in marian.

i think my favorite part was the pov switch; going from first person in the first part to third person in the second and back to first person in the third. it really shows you where marian is mentally and emotionally and it's just a very interesting and smart writing decision.

all in all, i really enjoyed the book and im so happy i finally found a pdf version of it. i hope i will find a physical copy too soon because id love to have it on my bookshelf <3