Rating: 3 stars

I seem to have done everything with this book except read it. I killed a moth with it. I have used it as a mouse pad on innumerable occasions. It was a phone stand, a temporary headrest, a dog pillow, and a sun shade. This all adds up to 54 days spent reading this 480 page book. And I've put writing this review off, too, until almost a month later. But now I actually need to write stuff, because I am starting to forget about some of the stories. So now that everyone is watching the rugby, I have a moment to spare (I always seem to be writing these reviews while a rugby game is on, honestly).



The Last of the Winnebagos:
Awards and nominations: Hugo and Nebula winner; Locus nominee
I have recently read this story in another Connie Willis short story collection, Time is the Fire. My review for The Last of the Winnebagos can be found as a part of my larger review for that collection here.



Even the Queen:
Awards and nominations: Hugo, Locus and Nebula winner
I have recently read this story in another Connie Willis short story collection, Time is the Fire. My review for Even the Queen can be found as a part of my larger review for that collection here.



Schwarzschild Radius:
Awards and nominations: Nebula nominee
As she so skilfully did in At the Rialto with quantum physics, through Schwarzschild Radius Willis parallels general relativity to real life historical events and the experiences of soldiers during World War I. Karl Schwarzschild, the German physicist who provided the first exact solution to the Einstein field equations of general relativity, is the subject of this eponymous short story which is based on incidents in his life. Schwarzschild Radius is largely told through flashbacks by a soldier who just so happened to intercept a letter from Einstein to Schwarzschild while the latter was serving as a Lieutenant on the front lines during the First World War. As the story progresses, the unsettling comparisons are drawn between the circumstances facing the soldiers in the trenches and the theories being addressed in science.

Ok, well, that was all rather formal, sorry. I guess this is one of Connie Willis' more serious stories tonally, and my review ended up reflecting that unintentionally.



Ado:
Well, isn’t this relevant? After all those book bannings last year. Ado takes place at a school sometime in the future (or perhaps an alternate past) when an English teacher decides to her class is going to study Shakespeare for a semester. Problem is, there are too many butthurt people in the world so political correctness is taken to the extreme. Any and every little piece of media that might in some small, insignificant way offend someone, has been banned. And I mean everything. Examples: The Merchant of Venice is ruled out as an option because Morticians International object to the use of the word 'casket' in Act III. They also can't do As You Like It because Mothers Against Transvestites filed a restraining order against it for Rosalind dressing up as a man in Act II, and The Sierra Club don't like it for "destructive attitudes toward the environment." - Orlando carves Rosalind's name into a tree.

Eventually they cut their losses and decide on Hamlet, with some rather heavy censoring. Are you ready?

- The Commission on Poison Prevention feels the "graphic depiction of poisoning in the murder of Hamlet's father may lead to copycat crimes."
- The Literature Liberation Front objects to the phrases, "Frailty, thy name is woman," and "O, most pernicious woman," and the "What a piece of work is man" speech
- The National Cutlery Council objects to the depiction of swords as deadly weapons because "swords don't kill people. People kill people."
- The Copenhagen Chamber of Commerce objects to the line, "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."
- The International Federation of Florists object to the fact that Ophelia falls in picking flowers
- Morticians International say there is a "negative portrayal of interment-preparation personnel" (the gravedigger) and inaccurate representation of burial regulations (neither a hermetically sealed coffin nor a vault appear in the scene).
- The Society for the Advancement of Philosophy considers the line "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy" a slur on their profession.
- The Actors' Guild challenge Hamlet's hiring of nonunion employees
- And to top it all off, Drapery Defense League object to Polonius being stabbed while hiding behind a curtain.

All complaints considered, they reduce the entire play of Hamlet down to four lines deemed "safe" to read, i.e. they won't piss anyone off because they are literally discussing the weather. Yes, this was probably way to long a segment for such a short story, but I find this funny and want to come back and read the list.



Spice Pogrom:
Awards and nominations: Hugo and Locus nominee
This one is long. And I mean loooooooooong. It takes up over 20% of the overall page count of this collection, despite there being 11 stories in total. The reason I took so long to read this collection was almost entirely because of this story. It was long and convoluted, but that was the whole point of it. It is essentially a nonsense, screwball comedy that takes place in space. I mean, Ohghhifoehnnahigrheeh is a character's name. Yes, I spelled that correctly. No, it is not a keyboard smash. Also, it had first contact in there somewhere.



Winter's Tale:
Ah, Shaky P is back. Well, his family anyway. Winter's Tale is basically a fictional reimagining of Shakespeare's wife and daughters. Yes, it is interesting, but I honestly forgot most of the story because it took me ages to read. I know I said Spice Pogrom was responsible for me taking 54 days to finish the collection, but this story also had a large part in that. It is all written in Shakespearean English ("Dost thou hear something?" is a direct quote from this story) AND it is told in first person, so there is no reprieve for my modern ears.

Eh, well, we all know one thing Shakespearean English is good for: finding small obscure words to keep in mind for the next time you play Boggle.



Chance:
Awards and nominations: World Fantasy Award nominee
I read this story in one sitting. And after I finished it, all I could say was "oof". Now, as I write this review, all I can still say is "oof".

Chance is about exactly what it says it is about - chance. Little things that happen often without thought that vastly affect future events. I won't say too much, (not that there is anyone here worried about spoilers for this obscure story from a (relatively) obscure collection, or that there's anyone here at all besides me) but the story focuses on this woman who is living with some major guilt and regret about events she contributed to in the past that, at the time, seemed insignificant. In present day, when the story is set, our character is dealing with the ramifications of the choices she made. While at first it seems the shame is all in her head, things start happening that she can't explain, nor chalk up to insanity.

In conclusion, Chance is a hard hitting story that packs as much (if not more) of a punch in under 40 pages than some full length novels do in over 500.



Time Out:
Awards: Hugo and Locus nominee
I honestly forgot this story even existed, but I know exactly why: the introduction. Before each of the stories in this collection, Connie Willis includes a little half-page introduction, usually about what inspired her to write the story. In the introduction to Time Out, she explains how she often gets her sci-fi concepts from the most mundane of places. She lists things like singing in church choirs, having Mary Kay facials, putting on garage sales, before saying this: "I've even been to Tupperware parties - only slightly stranger than Venusian eyestalk-bonding ceremonies - at which you participate in arcane contests. 'How many words can you make out of 'Tupperware'?' 'Warp, put, upper, rue...' " Why do I bring this up? Because I got stuck doing just that: finding small words that I can make out of the letters in 'Tupperware'. And there are a lot.

As for the story... I don't really remember. Keep in mind, I am writing this section two and a half months after starting this book, so I am going almost solely by notes. And the only thing my notes say for this story is "aahhh so many words".



In the Late Cretaceous:
Awards and nominations: Hugo and Locus nominee
This is a short story about laughing at things. And I mean fair enough. There's a lot to laugh at these days. Specifically, this story is about laughing at the things society tells you not to laugh at. I think this quote Willis gives in her introduction sums it all up perfectly, so I'm just going to put it here to save myself the hassle:

You're not supposed to laugh at global warming or low self-esteem or cholesterol. This is the age of political correctness, a movement devoted to the stamping out of "inappropriate laughter" and the battle cry of every anti- (choose one: smoking, animal research, logging, abortion, Columbus) activist seems to be, "That's not funny. These are serious issues." Of course, seriousness and self-importance and what comedy is all about [...] and I feel it's my bounden duty to laugh at them. [...] It's either that, or cry. Or scream.

Of course, then, In the Late Cretaceous takes place in a school, Ground Zero for all things mockery. Students make fun of teachers. Students question the lessons. Teachers mess around with the students. Teachers even try to be Robin Williams from Dead Poets Society. All in all, it's a good ole' time.



Jack:
Awards and nominations: Hugo, Locus and Nebula nominee
This story was great. Probably my favourite in the whole collection. And I'm not just saying that because it is historical fiction set during the Second World War. I know, I know, people are sick of the time period, and yet media keeps being released about it. If you have ever wondered who still cares about WWII stories, the answer is me. I still care. I'm the reason for all those movies and books. Thematically, I just love the time period and can't get enough of it.

Anyway, Jack by Connie Willis is a novella set during the London Blitz. The story follows a young man named (you guessed it) Jack, operating as part of a close-knit group of volunteers whose job it is to locate people trapped under wreckage post-air raid. One day, a new member is added to Jack's recovery party who, coincidentally, shares his first name. This new Jack seems to be getting increasingly lucky when it comes to detecting survivors, so much so, that our Jack begins to suspect that perhaps more than chance is contributing to the strange man's success...

With this story, you get Willis' trademark attention to historical detail. When she chooses to set a story in the past, you can bet she will research the absolute crap out of the time period to make it as authentic an experience for the reader as possible, (barring time travel). Specifically, Willis always seems to be fascinated by the every day lives of people. As well as including the large overarching historical accuracies, she places particular regard on the smaller aspects of daily life that are often overlooked, yet were all the more important to the people who lived them. This is something I can always count on Connie Willis to deliver, and part of the reason I keep coming back to her over and over again.



At the Rialto:
Awards and nominations: Nebula winner; Hugo and Locus nominee
I have recently read this story in another Connie Willis short story collection, Time is the Fire. My review for At the Rialto can be found as a part of my larger review for that collection here.



Closing thoughts: I liked Connie Willis' other collection, Time is the Fire, better than Impossible Things, but that is kind of an unfair comparison, given that the former is subtitled "The Best of Connie Willis". Either way, I now only have one novel and one story collection left to read from Willis and then I am (largely) done with her bibliography!

Holy moly, I did it. I finished the review. It took me forever, but I did it. Why I keep insisting on doing these mini reviews for short story collections, I have no idea. They end up being this annoying project that takes way too long, and are ultimately a selfish endeavour because the only person that ever reads them is me. Sigh. Whatever.