I'm on the hunt for memoirs on schizophrenia, there is scarcity on the subject so I couldn't believe my luck when I found this book about the unique perspective of twins! 

Schizophrenia is scary enough of a mental disorder nowadays, just imagine what it was like in 60s and 70s. 

I felt a lot during this book, I felt dread when Pam detailed her hallucinations (especially the commanding ones), I felt shock when they described "oddities" in Pam's behavior as a teen which in retrospect could've been prodromal symptoms of schizophrenia. I felt appalled at how alone she was! Terrible families exist all over the world, but in the east they're a lot more tight-knit and nobody would be left alone like that, especially when they have such an illness that makes them a risk for themselves. 
The book gave me perspective on the exhaustion and helplessness that comes with frequent hospitalizations and ineffective medications. How psychosis completely alters a person's life. 
After getting better on ECT sessions, Pam says "I've lived inside the nightmarish fragments of a time and country beyond understanding. An everlasting present that has no connection to anything or anyone. I've been literally in a world of my own. Small, terrifying, and constricted as this world is, it's been all I know"
and
"In catatonia, I abdicate living -not by choice, it's true- but nevertheless I am for that time effectively lifeless. And I come close to relinquishing life altogether in my compulsion -governed by the command hallucinations of the hazmat man- to burn myself alive to atone for imaginary crimes."

I just learned that Carolyn passed away in 2019, however at one point in the book Carolyn states "I know the statistics, I'll probably outlive her (Pam)" and that made me sad.