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A review by michmunchkin
Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality by John R. Schwartz
2.0
I really wanted to like this book. And in my defense, I really tried to. But, try as I might, it just didn't work out.
The premise of this book is a good one -- the story of parents who realize early on that their son may be gay, and their journey in helping him grow to accept who he is. Unfortunately, despite the fact that the book is technically well written (the author/father, John Schwartz, is a journalist, after all), the story left me shaking my head more often than I expected, or thought necessary.
I got the distinct feeling, while reading of Joe Schwartz's troubles during his early years in school, that his parents were a bit too eager to ascribe his various academic and behavioural issues to his sexuality -- a fact that bothered me, especially given the fact that the child himself had yet to even acknowledge said sexuality. He's gifted? Of course he is, he's gay! He's disruptive in class? Of course he is, he's dealing with being gay! Someone should tell these parents that it is, in fact, possible to be straight and gifted, or straight and disruptive in class. There's being supportive of your child (possibly) being part of the LGBT community -- and then there's being a bit *too* supportive. It seemed to me as though nothing was *ever* Joe's fault.
I understand that LGBT kids often experience emotional and behavioural issues that are related to their sexuality, but honestly, these parents seemed to connect *everything* to the fact that he was gay. And while I understand the reticence that parents often feel when approached with the possibility that their child may have a neurological condition like autism or Asperger's, the absolute refusal of these parents to even consider those possibilities is mind-blowing. Don't get me wrong -- there's absolutely nothing wrong with a child being gay. But there's also absolutely nothing wrong with a child being autistic, or having Asperger's syndrome.
I also can't help but wonder if their absolute refusal to consider medication for him might have made a difference in Joe's life. Kids who are mentally healthy don't end up stark naked in their parents' bathroom, having taken an overdose of Benadryl, and it certainly seems as though Joe's subsequent stay in a psychiatric facility and his being placed on medication made a substantial, positive difference in his life. It's like everything in his life before the overdose was hell, but once he came out of the psych facility, everything was suddenly fine. Was that due to the fact that, finally, Joe had been medicated properly? Could the suicide attempt have been avoided entirely if only his parents hadn't resolutely refused to consider the possibility of his being medicated? There is nothing shameful in having a child who suffers from depression, but it seems as though the Schwartzes go to huge leaps in order to convince themselves, and others, that their son couldn't possibly be depressed. Did it really have to get to the point where he nearly took his own life to convince them otherwise?
I also found that the suicide attempt, rather than acting as a turning point in the story, felt like it was thrown in and then glossed over as quickly as possible. It was almost buried in the book among all of the statistics and studies. I felt cheated, to be honest. After all the build-up and detail of this boy's life, this huge event occurs in his life and his father chooses to simply brush past it? I know that having a child attempt to take his own life must be a horrific thing, but if Schwartz chose to include it in his book -- and, in fact, chooses to begin his book with it -- then he should at least be willing to deal with it in at least a little more detail.
(As a sidenote: the passage in which Schwartz sits in the ER with his son trying to force feed him activated charcoal struck me as incredibly odd. Wouldn't a suspected case of overdose be considered serious enough that time would be of the essence, especially since the kid wasn't even totally conscious? Certainly it seems to me as though the situation would be urgent enough that the medical staff wouldn't have a reaction along the lines of "Oh, see if you can get him to drink this." I'm not saying that the father is making up these details, but man....that passage struck me as being ridiculous and incredibly hard to believe.)
As I said: I really wanted to like this book. It had the potential to be an excellent resource for parents who are raising a child who is a part of the LGBT community. But I personally found that what could have been an excellent book just ended up being a way for the Schwartzes to use their son's experiences to say "Look how awesome we are as parents! We supported our son from the beginning and made sure that everyone catered to him his entire life!"
Sorry, Mr. Schwartz. I'm not buying it.
The premise of this book is a good one -- the story of parents who realize early on that their son may be gay, and their journey in helping him grow to accept who he is. Unfortunately, despite the fact that the book is technically well written (the author/father, John Schwartz, is a journalist, after all), the story left me shaking my head more often than I expected, or thought necessary.
I got the distinct feeling, while reading of Joe Schwartz's troubles during his early years in school, that his parents were a bit too eager to ascribe his various academic and behavioural issues to his sexuality -- a fact that bothered me, especially given the fact that the child himself had yet to even acknowledge said sexuality. He's gifted? Of course he is, he's gay! He's disruptive in class? Of course he is, he's dealing with being gay! Someone should tell these parents that it is, in fact, possible to be straight and gifted, or straight and disruptive in class. There's being supportive of your child (possibly) being part of the LGBT community -- and then there's being a bit *too* supportive. It seemed to me as though nothing was *ever* Joe's fault.
I understand that LGBT kids often experience emotional and behavioural issues that are related to their sexuality, but honestly, these parents seemed to connect *everything* to the fact that he was gay. And while I understand the reticence that parents often feel when approached with the possibility that their child may have a neurological condition like autism or Asperger's, the absolute refusal of these parents to even consider those possibilities is mind-blowing. Don't get me wrong -- there's absolutely nothing wrong with a child being gay. But there's also absolutely nothing wrong with a child being autistic, or having Asperger's syndrome.
I also can't help but wonder if their absolute refusal to consider medication for him might have made a difference in Joe's life. Kids who are mentally healthy don't end up stark naked in their parents' bathroom, having taken an overdose of Benadryl, and it certainly seems as though Joe's subsequent stay in a psychiatric facility and his being placed on medication made a substantial, positive difference in his life. It's like everything in his life before the overdose was hell, but once he came out of the psych facility, everything was suddenly fine. Was that due to the fact that, finally, Joe had been medicated properly? Could the suicide attempt have been avoided entirely if only his parents hadn't resolutely refused to consider the possibility of his being medicated? There is nothing shameful in having a child who suffers from depression, but it seems as though the Schwartzes go to huge leaps in order to convince themselves, and others, that their son couldn't possibly be depressed. Did it really have to get to the point where he nearly took his own life to convince them otherwise?
I also found that the suicide attempt, rather than acting as a turning point in the story, felt like it was thrown in and then glossed over as quickly as possible. It was almost buried in the book among all of the statistics and studies. I felt cheated, to be honest. After all the build-up and detail of this boy's life, this huge event occurs in his life and his father chooses to simply brush past it? I know that having a child attempt to take his own life must be a horrific thing, but if Schwartz chose to include it in his book -- and, in fact, chooses to begin his book with it -- then he should at least be willing to deal with it in at least a little more detail.
(As a sidenote: the passage in which Schwartz sits in the ER with his son trying to force feed him activated charcoal struck me as incredibly odd. Wouldn't a suspected case of overdose be considered serious enough that time would be of the essence, especially since the kid wasn't even totally conscious? Certainly it seems to me as though the situation would be urgent enough that the medical staff wouldn't have a reaction along the lines of "Oh, see if you can get him to drink this." I'm not saying that the father is making up these details, but man....that passage struck me as being ridiculous and incredibly hard to believe.)
As I said: I really wanted to like this book. It had the potential to be an excellent resource for parents who are raising a child who is a part of the LGBT community. But I personally found that what could have been an excellent book just ended up being a way for the Schwartzes to use their son's experiences to say "Look how awesome we are as parents! We supported our son from the beginning and made sure that everyone catered to him his entire life!"
Sorry, Mr. Schwartz. I'm not buying it.