I'm gonna start off by letting you know I won't be rating this.

I can't.

So back story: I end up in a conversation with a woman in a shop. Turns out we both love Ty and Zane from the [b:Cut & Run|5199022|Cut & Run (Cut & Run, #1)|Abigail Roux|https://d2arxad8u2l0g7.cloudfront.net/books/1327894486s/5199022.jpg|5266173] series. So she says "Blah blah blah. There's a Ty and Zane cameo in this series The Flesh Cartel. Blah blah blah" I'm hoping those blah blahs were moments I wasn't paying attention and she was very seriously telling me what kind of story I would be getting myself into.

Some seriously fucked up shit

I hope she told me this. Because she recommended this book to a stranger and, duude, we did NOT know each other well enough for her to let me go into this blind. No one should start this series blind.

I bought the first part (season?) and I started it without reading the blurb. That was my chance to read the warning. I wish I had. The entire story is one huge trigger. I don't even really have book triggers and this was a trigger for me. Trigger is too tame a word. I didn't finish it. I didn't finish because I became literally, physically sick. And I know the difference between literal and figurative. The abuse these two go through was just too graphic for me. After my bout of retching I decided enough was enough and left it at that.

I think leaving the story unfinished let it fester in my brain. I couldn't leave Mat and Dougie where I did. It had to get better for them, right? So fast forward to now a year and a half later and I decide to finish. But I knew it would get worse before it got better so I decided to read the last part (season) and completely skip the middle. This was definitely for the best because I was able to know some of the awfulness in the context of their memories which was bad enough. I had enough on my plate getting to the end.

Mat shines (SHINES) through the story (or the parts I read). He is indomitable and the love he has for his brother is frankly awe-inspiring. I think Mat will stick with me for a very long time. Dougie was more of a mixed bag. I hated him sometimes but I was always desperately pulling for him. I'm glad these men came out the other side. And I hope that is the take away. The human spirit is resilient and can transcend even the most vile of experiences.

I can't rate this and I can't recommend it either. I didn't read the entire series and what I did read made me feel ick. You need a set of brass ovaries to read The Flesh Cartel and I just didn't have what it takes.

After I finished I spent an hour switching between faith in humanity sites like this and this to bring some light back to my brain and this and this to see if there's a way to help.

Good luck to those of you who make it through the entire serial. I look forward to reading what you have to say about it.