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A review by josiahdegraaf
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Kathy Keller, Timothy Keller
5.0
UPDATED REVIEW: Picking up this book seven years after my initial readthrough, there are certain things that rung true or rung differently this time around. Certainly coming to this book with actual experience in the dating world leads to a different read, and if I'm ever married, I'm sure that will also very much alter my view of this book. But as a single man, this book has probably had the most formative impact on my view of marriage more than any other book I've read (except for potentially Pride and Prejudice), and there are so many good things to glean from this work.
ORIGINAL 2014 REVIEW: I'm not exactly the target audience for this book. I'm a single, college-aged student who is not and has not been in any kind of romantic relationship. So exactly why then I ended up reading this book on marriage is perhaps a valid question to ask.
This book was recommended to me for its chapter on singleness, and to be clear, that chapter was quite good and offered some pretty good advice. But the chapter also can't be disconnected and read apart from the rest of the book. As Keller aptly puts it, "Single people cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced, informed view of marriage. If they do not have that, they will either over-desire or under-desire marriage, and either of those ways of thinking will distort their lives." (Page 184)
This also connects with a common problem in Christian circles when dating and courtship is discussed. The thing is, too often, discussions on the biblical way to find a spouse tend to focus a lot on the method used. But they don't tend to focus as much on what kind of person you should be pursuing. And while they do often touch on that, they don't deal with the question fully, because you can't know what kind of potential spouse you should be looking for until you know what marriage is.
In that light then, this book was an eye-opener about what God designed marriage to be and how good marriages should function. I can't say that much of this advice was very applicable to me given my current age and stage. But as a single trying to understand biblical singleness, as well as one hoping to someday find a spouse and get married, this book was extremely helpful in pointing out what marriage actually is, and explaining how God has designed it as a way to knit two hearts closer and closer to Him.
In the end, while many parts of this book weren't 100% applicable to me, it also helped me to understand singleness and dating relationships more than a good many other books that I've read which are exclusively dealing with that topic. You can't build a theory on how a guy and a girl are supposed to date or court without fully understanding the destination point. And I doubt that it's possible to fully appreciate singleness until you first understand what marriage actually is, and your starry-eyed Disney-driven views of marriage are fully pruned away.
This is a book on marriage. But it's not just for married people. It's very applicable to singles as well. And for that reason, while I can't comment from experience on helpful this book is to those who are married, to other singles, this book is definitely recommended.
Rating: 4.5 Stars (Excellent).
ORIGINAL 2014 REVIEW: I'm not exactly the target audience for this book. I'm a single, college-aged student who is not and has not been in any kind of romantic relationship. So exactly why then I ended up reading this book on marriage is perhaps a valid question to ask.
This book was recommended to me for its chapter on singleness, and to be clear, that chapter was quite good and offered some pretty good advice. But the chapter also can't be disconnected and read apart from the rest of the book. As Keller aptly puts it, "Single people cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced, informed view of marriage. If they do not have that, they will either over-desire or under-desire marriage, and either of those ways of thinking will distort their lives." (Page 184)
This also connects with a common problem in Christian circles when dating and courtship is discussed. The thing is, too often, discussions on the biblical way to find a spouse tend to focus a lot on the method used. But they don't tend to focus as much on what kind of person you should be pursuing. And while they do often touch on that, they don't deal with the question fully, because you can't know what kind of potential spouse you should be looking for until you know what marriage is.
In that light then, this book was an eye-opener about what God designed marriage to be and how good marriages should function. I can't say that much of this advice was very applicable to me given my current age and stage. But as a single trying to understand biblical singleness, as well as one hoping to someday find a spouse and get married, this book was extremely helpful in pointing out what marriage actually is, and explaining how God has designed it as a way to knit two hearts closer and closer to Him.
In the end, while many parts of this book weren't 100% applicable to me, it also helped me to understand singleness and dating relationships more than a good many other books that I've read which are exclusively dealing with that topic. You can't build a theory on how a guy and a girl are supposed to date or court without fully understanding the destination point. And I doubt that it's possible to fully appreciate singleness until you first understand what marriage actually is, and your starry-eyed Disney-driven views of marriage are fully pruned away.
This is a book on marriage. But it's not just for married people. It's very applicable to singles as well. And for that reason, while I can't comment from experience on helpful this book is to those who are married, to other singles, this book is definitely recommended.
Rating: 4.5 Stars (Excellent).