“Kurt Vonnegut was unequivocal in his last book, advising writers, “Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.”

"People also think semicolons are for high-faluting snobs."

There is a joke in my office that I am the only person allowed to use semicolons, because I'm the only person who knows how to use them correctly. You can pry these and the oxford comma from my cold, dead hands.