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A review by ditten
A Darker Mischief by Derek Milman
funny
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
1.0
I got to be honest, this book is terrible!
I usually try to be nice in my ARC reviews even if I didn't love the book, and I don't spoil the plot. Neither of those things will be relevant here because I need to rant a bit about A Darker Mischief and why it's possibly the worst book I've ever read and maybe save someone else the pain.
With traditionally published books I have certain expectations of quality and genre. And while ARCs get more of a pass since I know they're not fully finished, this book kept making me go "WHAT DID I JUST READ?" The plot is insane, and it's honestly just terribly written.
I was close to DNF'ing a lot but then I decided I needed to see it through to catalogue how many absurd things could possibly happen. Hint: A LOT! Once I stopped expecting a good book, I actually had a good time and laughed more than I do while reading books that are legit supposed to be funny.
One of the reasons I kept going is because the book opens with a prologue where the MC has kidnapped the United States' Vice President's daughter and is keeping her prisoner. For what's supposed to be a YA dark academia book, I was already sensing something might be off but hey, it had me intrigued.
Our MC Cal's about 15 and from Mississippi but because of The Incident, his parents exile him to Essex Academy boarding school in New England where he has trouble making friends and is very emo about it all. Bet you can't guess Cal from Mississippi's full name btw.
"Cal, yeah. Short for Calixte"
"Oh. Slay."
Cal meets Luke who's this mysterious, edgy, Asian jock who does drugs and likes to graffiti the walls of the school and seems to be interested in Cal. Luke's tag is a baby with a bite taken out of its head because he ate his own twin in the womb and so Luke has two blood types or some shit and basically is two people, and he'll see his dead twin's ghost around who he's taken to calling Pete.
"I hunt virgins at night.”
“WHAT?”
He laughs. “There should always be pain. So we’ll know how things might end.”
- Ooh, so edgy
So yeah, obviously Cal is immediately in love and keeps telling us how fantastic Luke is, even though Luke is pretty strange, very hot and cold, and not very nice to Cal (keeps calling him a "dickbitch" for some reason.)
It's okay though because Cal's only previous almost-loverboy got mad at Cal and so him and his friends POURED ACID INTO CAL'S FACE causing him to LOSE AN EYE! So now he has a glass eye. So in comparison, Luke's not that bad, I guess.
"Did he text you?"
I lower my phone. "Uh, no."
"Well don't look so homosexually disappointed"
- Ngl, "homosexually disappointed" is a FANTASTIC phrase
Anyway, Cal finds out there's a Secret Society on campus and becomes utterly obsessed with getting in, deciding the only thing in life that matters is joining this weirdo secret club that only speaks in riddles and whose stated goal is to examine all the secret buildings on campus because.... idk, then they can make maps.
So Cal and Luke start breaking into underground tunnels and find entire secret buildings, solving random riddles that make zero sense but that Cal is suddenly an expert in, while Society teaches them to pick locks and how to get off a stranded island in the middle of the night in case it's needed. Needed for what? Who knows?
Yeah, so turns out the Secret Society is actually this incredibly powerful group that has insiders in like the FBI, Secret Service, and possibly the Illuminati??? And for a century they've been KIDNAPPING and KILLING children of prominent politicians to influence US politics but they've obviously never been caught because they're so powerful? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Cal kind of wants to go home at this point but he can't because what if more people pour acid on him? And also his mom has cancer, and his dad is facing criminal charges because while he's an insurance adjuster he also is super big into haunted houses. He made the coolest ever haunted house but it was so scary someone had a heart attack and though he works in insurance, he forgot to get waivers and insurance so now he's probably going to jail. The Society promises to help get the charges dropped as long as Cal does whatever they ask of him which doesn't seem ominous at all.
So Cal's like "oh no, can't go home" which isn't ideal because then the son of the family who was responsible for Oxytocin and THE OPIOD EPIDEMIC who's an alum of the Secret Society orders Cal and the others to kidnap and kill the US VP's daughter who goes to the school, so the VP will stop supporting a wealth tax and the rich can stay rich and capitalism can win. Where the fuck this came from I have no idea. But we're rolling with it.
All the while Cal realizes the Secret Society is blackmailing his now boyfriend Luke and that Luke has been lying to him about pretty much everything. So when he sees Luke being sexually assaulted, Cal gets upset and deals with it by having an orgy which he gets herpes from. Not the best reaction, but hey, Cal's an idiot so I expected nothing less.
So anyways, once he's better and has helped kidnap the VP's daughter, he changes his mind at the last minute because he realizes the Society is evil and also he loves Luke so much but he can't support all this, wah wah. Obviously, he realizes after he's helped with everything but it's never too late, I suppose. He tries to mess up the plan and the girl ends up escaping but Luke loses an arm because of Cal and so Luke drops out of school.
FAST FORWARD TO 10 YEARS LATER:
Cal ended up becoming the president of the Secret Society but he turned them from evil to good, yay him!
Luke ended up dying at 25 because he was in a car that went into the water and because he only had one arm, he couldn't get out, oh no, and it's basically Cal's fault.
BUT it's okay because Luke was obviously an organ donor ("the sexy one-armed genius!") and Cal got an MP3 from the recipient of Luke's heart with a recording of his heartbeat that he listens to all the time.
"The regret doesn’t fade; like the HSV-1 virus, it hides away and emerges when I’m run-down and weak."
- Just to remind you he has herpes, in case you forgot
"Did he text you?"
I lower my phone. "Uh, no."
"Well don't look so homosexually disappointed"
- Ngl, "homosexually disappointed" is a FANTASTIC phrase
Anyway, Cal finds out there's a Secret Society on campus and becomes utterly obsessed with getting in, deciding the only thing in life that matters is joining this weirdo secret club that only speaks in riddles and whose stated goal is to examine all the secret buildings on campus because.... idk, then they can make maps.
So Cal and Luke start breaking into underground tunnels and find entire secret buildings, solving random riddles that make zero sense but that Cal is suddenly an expert in, while Society teaches them to pick locks and how to get off a stranded island in the middle of the night in case it's needed. Needed for what? Who knows?
Yeah, so turns out the Secret Society is actually this incredibly powerful group that has insiders in like the FBI, Secret Service, and possibly the Illuminati??? And for a century they've been KIDNAPPING and KILLING children of prominent politicians to influence US politics but they've obviously never been caught because they're so powerful? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Cal kind of wants to go home at this point but he can't because what if more people pour acid on him? And also his mom has cancer, and his dad is facing criminal charges because while he's an insurance adjuster he also is super big into haunted houses. He made the coolest ever haunted house but it was so scary someone had a heart attack and though he works in insurance, he forgot to get waivers and insurance so now he's probably going to jail. The Society promises to help get the charges dropped as long as Cal does whatever they ask of him which doesn't seem ominous at all.
So Cal's like "oh no, can't go home" which isn't ideal because then the son of the family who was responsible for Oxytocin and THE OPIOD EPIDEMIC who's an alum of the Secret Society orders Cal and the others to kidnap and kill the US VP's daughter who goes to the school, so the VP will stop supporting a wealth tax and the rich can stay rich and capitalism can win. Where the fuck this came from I have no idea. But we're rolling with it.
All the while Cal realizes the Secret Society is blackmailing his now boyfriend Luke and that Luke has been lying to him about pretty much everything. So when he sees Luke being sexually assaulted, Cal gets upset and deals with it by having an orgy which he gets herpes from. Not the best reaction, but hey, Cal's an idiot so I expected nothing less.
So anyways, once he's better and has helped kidnap the VP's daughter, he changes his mind at the last minute because he realizes the Society is evil and also he loves Luke so much but he can't support all this, wah wah. Obviously, he realizes after he's helped with everything but it's never too late, I suppose. He tries to mess up the plan and the girl ends up escaping but Luke loses an arm because of Cal and so Luke drops out of school.
FAST FORWARD TO 10 YEARS LATER:
Cal ended up becoming the president of the Secret Society but he turned them from evil to good, yay him!
Luke ended up dying at 25 because he was in a car that went into the water and because he only had one arm, he couldn't get out, oh no, and it's basically Cal's fault.
BUT it's okay because Luke was obviously an organ donor ("the sexy one-armed genius!") and Cal got an MP3 from the recipient of Luke's heart with a recording of his heartbeat that he listens to all the time.
"The regret doesn’t fade; like the HSV-1 virus, it hides away and emerges when I’m run-down and weak."
- Just to remind you he has herpes, in case you forgot
To sum this book up: WHAT. Also: NO.