I think my feelings about this book all boil down to a big lumpy mess of I don’t know how I feel about this. 

Let me list off the things that I’m not sure how to feel about:
- the two different redemption arcs:  one of a mass murderer. The other of Adam’s abusive father. For both persons, the book tries to walk a very difficult line where both redemption arcs end

on a note of, “we’re not saying they’re good people, but here’s some insight into why they are the way they are,” and I just don’t fucking care.

- the whole character arc where the good main character realizes that it’s a worse punishment to let the BBG live and suffer with the deeds the BBG has done. It’s a character arc I’m just tired of. Give me more Alex Verus type character arcs where the neutral good main character slowly descends into a true neutral alignment and starts killing people to protect themselves and such. I just think it’s more interesting. 
- that chapter towards the end that was just in large part exposition. It wasn’t a BBG monologue but it felt like it, and that just feels cheap. 
- there’s parts of this book that take a page out of Nightvale’s book. I wasn’t prepared. I’m still confused. I don’t get it. 
- I’m not sure how I feel about the representation here. Mental health wise, I wish the book didn’t lean so hard on the “mental health facilities are evil” trope, but it’s hard to say how much of my dislike of the trope stems a desire to see mental health care better represented and how much comes from the fact that I know places like this book’s depiction of them actually exist and my resulting general disgust for the scum of humanity. 

So yeah. I don’t know how I feel about this. There’s large parts of this that really worked for me and I thought were really cool. The narration is great. But so much of all of that is overshadowed by how much better I wish this book had been.