⭐⭐
I'm currently in a weird reading slump, and, I'm totally not sure with this choice of mine.
***
Having already rejected this book purely on reading the blurb, plus, due to my eyes bugging out on seeing the cover, I excused myself out of all those extremely valid reasons and thought- why not?
I thought I'll give it a try only because of a duet I'd read of the same authors'. Poor me. I didn't know what this beheld.
***
Delving into this narrative requires a nuanced understanding—it's no ordinary contemporary romance. The protagonist's flaws and struggles with addiction weren't mere embellishments; they form the core of the characters, steering the plot away from conventional resolutions. What drew me to this book was the upfront knowledge of its complexities, but, the thing which made me lower the rating, was being frustrated yet feeling like I understood the characters' often vexing actions.

TL;DR This was: Toxic. Unbelievable. No-Brainer....uncomfortable
***
The lives of Lo and Lily, while harshly described as debauched and depraved, were grounded in a raw honesty. Childhood friends, their intertwined destinies took a dark turn post-high school, concealing their addictions from their affluent families and masquerading in a faux relationship. Lo battled alcoholism from a tender age, while Lily grappled with a sex addiction since adolescence. After years of deceit, they pondered a genuine relationship, a daring move indeed.

Lily, a paradoxical yet endearing figure, juxtaposed a timid demeanor with an unabashed passion for intimacy.
Lily, oh Lily. A walking contradiction wrapped in allure. Shy and reserved on the outside, a wild storm of desire on the inside. Morally upright? Nah. Her attitude was good towards her loved ones and Lo? Nope, not really. But, really...can you blame her when her every move screams ‘help me’? She's a tangled mess of a person, a soul adrift, a product of a messed-up upbringing that valued facades over feelings. The same could be said for Lo.

And Lo, dear Lo. A portrait of selfless egoism, if there ever was one.
His existence revolved around alcohol and Lily, a poignant reality laid bare. But then something shifts. A glimmer of hope, a dash of strength emerges. In the final chapters something sudden spurred him to battle his demons, advocating for himself and for Lily —it was heartbreakingly beautiful yet SUDDEN. No longer dwelling on familial discord or paternal toxicity, he emerged from the ashes of his past and finally, decided to fight for once.

The relationship between Lo and Lily epitomized toxicity, exemplified when Lo granted Lily permission to stray, cognizant of her struggles. Despite its dysfunction, their bond tugged at heartstrings, a blend of beauty and sacrifice.

A few quotes:
"He kisses my forehead before I can form thoughts, and when he pulls away, his lips brush my ear. “I’m here for you. Always "

"“Lo?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Please…don’t move, okay? »
“I won't”. He wraps his arms around me, keeping me warm on the cold tile."

“Part of me will always believe that we’re past change. Maybe we’ve already accepted that this is how we’ll live and this is how we’ll come to die.”

“We fight one minute and then try to make up the next. It’s why we’ve lasted so long. And I suppose, the fear of losing each other is always stronger than the pain we cause.”

"We may not be good for each other, but sometimes I feel like he’s the only guy who could ever love me."

"I’ve never pretended, Lil. We’ve been together, even if you thought it was some fucking lie."

"We’re terrible at so many things—remembering important dates, college, making friends—but the one thing we’ve always been halfway decent at is being together. We owe it to ourselves to try."

“Wait for me.” The words come out choked and pained. “I need you to wait for me.”



While this story may captivate with its raw portrayal of flawed characters and tumultuous relationships, it is not without its shortcomings.

1. Glorification of Toxicity: The narrative inadvertently romanticizes toxic behaviours and relationships, potentially sending the wrong message to impressionable readers about what constitutes a healthy partnership. Update: It kinda redeems itself towards the end.
2. Lack of Depth in Supporting Characters: While Lo and Lily are intricately portrayed, the supporting characters like Connor and Ryke come off as one-dimensional at times, lacking the same depth and development.
3. Questionable Moral Compass: The characters' actions and choices may push ethical boundaries, making it challenging for some readers to empathize with or root for their redemption arcs.
4. Pacing Issues: The pacing of the story may be a tad bit erratic, with moments of intense drama followed by lulls in the narrative flow, disrupting the overall reading experience. (Atleast for me)