evitacademia's reviews
62 reviews

I think this book altered my brain chemistry in a doomful way. I will never read a book like this again and I know it. But maybe that's a good thing, because it was so dense that I feel like reading another book like that will have me bursting at the seams. 
The way it's written, the wording and the endless descriptions and examples that often seemed so obscure and out of place made the book what it is. Words like relatable, profound, heartbreaking, complex or intimate all apply but i don't think any word can describe this book. Probably the only person who can do that is Donna Tartt herself. Her writing is mesmerizing and it's so intricate in a way that makes me feel enlightened and stupid at the same time like a child who learns how much about the world it doesn't know and gets overwhelmed. But it's also comforting: I don't know everything nor will I ever know everything and i dont have to know everything. I liked not knowing what she was talking about a lot of the time. References to systems I wasn't familiar with, paintings I didn't know, names I didn't recognize. 

Theo's life is made of people replacing each other: his primary caregiver (his mother, then his father, then Hobie) and his brother (Andy, then Boris). And at the end, he was with the people that will stay with him. Granted, Andy and his mother didn't leave him just because they wanted. And his life is built by destruction, it's tranquilized by terror, his existence is so tragically and gruesomely poetic. I loved hobie, his comforting character and home, i loved reading about the furniture. I loved loved loved how every tiny detail was loaded with meaning throughout the entire book in an exhausting but satisfying way and im already sorry to read any other book now cause it will feel inevitably disappointing and underwhelming after having read this. I took so many photos of the pages because I like to do that with pages i find touching or interesting or incredibly written or relatable and my entire photo album of that is filled with the goldfinch. It reminded me of "a little life" so much but it also was its very own. It was the kind of book i would give 5 stars... but...

Despite (or maybe because of) it being brilliant, life-changing, one-of-a-kind, my relationship to the book was reliably distant and at times, hostile. Sometimes (!) the words seemed arbitrary and written for the sake of being jotted down. They gave me a headache when they were chasing each other in suffocating rants that totaled up to mean nothing! So many words, so little said! 
The next thing making me feel upset is not the books fault but i am so frustrated over knowing i cant and will never be able to write like that. Its actively making me write less because i know whatever I produce wont live up to that. But maybe when i reach whatever middle zone theo was talking about, i will be able to write how I was meant to write.
Also: everyone talks the same! Their way of digressing, giving extensive details and examples is so alike its uncanny and unrealistic.
Boris being so offensive to groups that neither he nor Donna should be offensive to was disturbing. Losing my respect for a book like this broke my heart. It took me months to finish because it's easily abandoned, overwhelming. Its so dense, so thick, like trying to move through black tar that you forget to enjoy it. I love the book but i dont like it. So, not a 5 star read, but one i will never forget with characters and knowledge I will find in real life and then feel exhilarated at a piece of art coming to life right before me. 

Da ich davon eine Theateraufführung vor dem Lesen gesehen hatte, waren mir sehr lebhafte Bilder gegeben. Es ist fesselnd und wissenschaftlich, aber auf eine emotionale Art. Woyzeck wird ruiniert und dann (fast absichtlich, so scheint es) diskreditiert und nicht ernst genommen. Nur von Marie wird er direkt angesprochen, sonst ist er nur "Woyzeck".

Eine Untersuchung des Wahnsinns: Ihre Stufen, Phasen, Entwicklung und ihr Ende. So schwammig und sporadisch wie es erzählt wird, läuft es auch in Nathanaels Kopf ab. Zusammengebrochene Wahrnehmungen und der Verlust der Einschätzungsgabe, wer nun eine Gefahr ist und ob das Holzpüppchen sich dreht. Neben der klaren Gegenüberstellung der Aufklärung (Clara) und der Romantik (Nathanael) kommt es auch zu ihrer Auseinandersetzung miteinander. Können sich ergänzen, tragen dabei aber ein gewaltiges Risiko. Man kommt nur so lange nonverbal aus, bis die verschiedenen Sprachen Grund zum Frust sind. Auf eine sehr gruselige Weise ist Nathanael sehr relatable; die Reaktion der Logischen, der Auftrag, sich doch von solchen destruktiven Gedanken zu lösen, dazu aber gar nicht in der Lage zu sein. Eigentlich will Nathanael nur sich lieben, so liebt er eine gemütlose Puppe, die ihn brav widerspiegelt. Er verkörpert so viele Konzepte und Arten, dass ihm der Kopf platzt. Vielleicht auch, warum er sich ihn am Ende aufschlägt. Er hatte nie eine Chance, spiegelt das Unmögliche wider: Unmöglichkeit, genau das auszudrücken, was er fühlt. Unmöglichkeit, sich von den Wahnvorstellungen zu lösen. Unmöglichkeit, verstanden zu werden.

I think it's safe to say I've never read a book like that and i don't think I ever will again. At first what shone through the bleak mood was the humor. It was very prominent in her nature. The representation of mental illness is encapturing and, at least I think so, relatable. She was simply very relatable, from the way she talked to the way she thought and acted. She thought about very menial things and her thought process was bite-sized which uncannily resembles the true human thought pattern. Her thoughts weren't groundbreaking because how often do we have groundbreaking thoughts? Everytime i stopped reading i felt it pull me towards it so I think i can legally call it a page-turner. I also appreciate the lesbian representation which was done gracefully, it was a normal part about her personality and she's had girlfriends but she obviously faces homophobia. What she felt (or didn't feel) towards Giuseppe was extremely realistic. The writing style was repetitive but I deemed it fitting because Gildas thoughts spiral and repeat themselves. However what truly convinced me of the book and made me fall in love with it was the last 50 pages or so. I think it added to the tension that I wanted to finish the book before midnight which put me under some time pressure (I did it though). It was palpable and gripping. On her brink of insanity, a moment of clarity with the letters and so much confusion. An ongoing existential crisis starting at page one and climaxing at the end. I adored how everything came together in the end and I loved loved loved her mentioning the mouth thing because while reading I always thought to myself "what's her deal with looking at people's mouths?"

I know it's odd for me to praise the book so passionately and then not give it 5 stars but I thought Gilda was kind of cringe at times (like when she kept asking people if they think about space. Like, yeah. You are the only person to think about space. Out of 8 billion people.) And I thought the book was going in circles a bit. That may not be a lot but it still made it not worthy of 5 stars to me. Regardless, it's a stunning book

Der christliche Zerfall, die nationalsozialistische Zensur und ein unheilverkündender Gott. Der Wahnsinn des lyrischen Ichs hat manchmal den Lesefluss zerstört, aber die Kritik an dem Nazi-Regime war sehr roh und einprägsam. Treffend wurde auch die Neigung der Generationen, die Schulung dieser und dadurch auch der Generationskonflikt in der Zwischenkriegszeit. Ich mochte die Seiten zur Religionsphilosophie, sie waren sehr düster und .. darf ich wahr sagen? 
Komisch fand ich die pädophile Neigung des Lehrers und die obsessive Verwendung des N-Wortes aber gegeben der Zeit ist das keine Abnormalität. Ich möchte gerne wissen, was aus dem einen B wurde. 

Another english book about little boys who bully each other and come to the realization that no adults are around and therefore become the loudest and most annoying creatures in the world? No thanks

Ein sehr verzweifeltes Buch. Anfangs hatte ich Sorgen, mir 208 Seiten einer pädophilen Beziehung zu geben, aber was darauf folgte, machte die Seiten davor erträglich. Michaels Gedanken zum Generationenkonflikt mit Kriegseltern; Scham und Schuld; die Art, mit der ein Trauma oder eben eine Hanna den Lebensweg so alteriert, dass man es in jeder Bewegung wiedererkennen kann... alles sehr verworrene und doch sehr gut nachvollziehbare Gedanken. Vorallem die Perspektive auf den Holocaust scheint mir als Etwas, das vorher irgendwie in der Luft hing und jetzt endlich verschriftlicht wurde. Ich bin total froh, es gelesen zu haben

Even though I felt like it didn't reach its full potential and at times seemed like it was written by and for a middle schooler, I still liked the intimacy of the book. I liked how everything was intertwined, how relatable the characters could be and how the inevitable was portrayed. I just didnt feel as connected as I thought I would and it seemed a little immature or at least predictable. However i liked how I breezed through the book and it's definitely one I won't forget.