marisa_n's reviews
168 reviews

I have never read anything quite like this before. I'm glad I experienced it as an audiobook, as it felt like I was listening to a spoken word performance or a play. The writing was lovely to listen to. I also appreciated the brevity of the book, which aligned with the references to myths. The author covered so much in a short timeframe, which mostly worked. That said, there were a lot of characters thrown out in a short timeframe, which made it hard to remember who was who. 

I liked the main message (that I got out of) this book: that our stories today are no less interesting, emotional, or powerful than those told in mythology. That the people of today will one day be the new ancients.

This book is neither helpful nor enjoyable to read.

At the beginning of the book, the author talks about our annoying inner voice that never shuts up, makes little sense, and disturbs our inner peace... and then he proceeds to let his inner voice write the entire book. It read like a stream of consciousness. It was vague, contradictory, repetitive, and arrogant. 

The author's inability to concisely make his point highlights his lack of knowledge on the subject. The structure was a mess. There was no credible research cited. There was no thoughtful analysis of spiritual theories. The content consisted of vague ramblings about happiness and countless examples of how "you" would react in various situations. He says so much without really saying anything at all. I was left with the impression that he had nothing to say, but a word count to fill. The whole thing screams of a privileged white man pretending to be a spiritual guru.

Although there were a few valuable reminders, they were largely obscured by the filler. Moreover, the "insights" were not actionable. For example, he claims people need to "let go" of previous experiences that are taking us out of the present moment (and let them all go, all at once, because doing it one at a time is too slow), but provides no actionable advice on how to do so. 

The useful tidbits (in the first 1/3 of the book):

Lots of twists & turns. Some were more enjoyable than others. 

I can't get past the terrible writing style. 

An intimate, tragic memoir about a child actor. The book read like a series of short journal entries, with the author’s voice slowly changing as she matured. In the book, she describes her childhood growing up in a household that was low-income, violent, and emotionally unpredictable. She recounts stories of being emotionally, mentally, and sexually abused by her mother. She unpacks the desperation and helplessness of trying to force herself to fit into a life she never wanted as an actress. She lays bare her poor coping mechanisms–OCD, disordered eating, alcoholism, and co-dependent relationships with shitty men. Lastly, she discusses her journey toward recovery. 

This book was hard to read as it was direct, graphic, and brutal. She goes into detail about the abuse from her mother, as well as from those around her. Although this book was centered on her mother, I found most of the people in her life just as bad, or at least complicit. From those also trying to abuse/manipulate her (ex: her grandmother, the creator, boyfriends), to those who stayed silent when she needed help (ex: her father, her grandfather). It is truly heartbreaking to think of a child / young adult surrounded by so many adults that are actively harming her. 

The book ends with...

her quitting acting, seeking help for her eating disorder, and coming to terms with her mother's abuse. At first, it felt like the book ended a little too abruptly. I thought perhaps she should have waited a bit longer--recovered, started the next phase of her life, etc--to publish the book. But I ultimately landed on the feeling that the reader isn't owed a happy ending. Moreover, there probably won't be one clear place in her life where she gets a happy end from there on out. Life will present many ups and downs. She will likely be unpacking her trauma, working on her coping mechanisms, and re-inventing herself over and over again for the rest of her life. Therefore, the messy ending was genuine.

Despite the backlash, I think this title is an appropriate summation of the book. We do not get to dictate how others process their trauma. We do not control if / how people mourn. We do not owe the dead a positive legacy, especially if they were objectively terrible people while alive. 

The book is cheesy, but in a fun, self-indulgent way. A fake dating book that likes to poke fun at the whole fake dating trope. Most of the book seemed pretty cliche YA, but it got a little spicy towards the end. I'd say this is a fun, light-hearted beach read. 

This felt like a book-length version of those cheesy quotes on Facebook that say things like "a flower cannot blossom without rain." Overall, the book was cheesy, superficial, and disorganized. 

To be fair, it wasn't all bad. The author has clearly lived many different lives as she's worked to find herself. She's turned her story into a series of easily digestible anecdotes and life lessons. There were a few powerful reminders about self-love, romantic love, and parenting. There were some empowering messages about trusting your intuition, defining happiness for yourself, and challenging oppressive systems. 

That said, the actual book itself was a mess. It was simultaneously overly formulaic and completely unorganized. Each chapter starts with a simple anecdote, has an a-ha!/ light bulb moment, and then ends with a life lesson to tie it all together. That said, the chapters were in no coherent order--neither chronologically or by theme. I'm convinced you could randomize the order of the chapters had have a fairly similar reading experience. It was incredibly frustrating to guess where you were chronologically. Moreover, the author was constantly learning a lesson, just to jump back in the timeline and re-learning the same lesson. It made the a-ha moment feel forced and insincere. Lastly, the strange order made the book feel incredibly repetitive, as no topic was given enough space within a single chapter to reach any depth. 

The author should have put all the stories in chronological order. This would have helped clearly describe who she used to be, provide us a chance to root for her in her non-linear journey, and then display a character arc. Alternatively, she could have given a brief overview of her story in the introduction, then organized all the chapters (in chronological order!!) into sections organized by large themes, such as inner self, love, parenting, god/ religious institutions, community/activism. I think the messages could have been so much more powerful if she started describing her internal journey, and then how it changed her relationships with those of various proximity to her. 

Overall, I think the book was fine. Perhaps I'm just not the target audience... This book might be written for women who are white, christian, politically moderate, mothers (who she used to be). To be fair, if she can reach those kinds of women and engage them on issues related to race, gender, sexual misogyny, etc., then that's a win in my book. That said, I have the feeling she's mostly preaching to the choir.