No. Of course i didnt sob my eyes out while reading this series. Okay, so that's a lie; i am still sniffling and wiping at tears right now. Doug's and Mat's story will stick with me forever.

This is what I've been waiting for, right? Rescue of my boys and you know by the description for this book, that they were.

Mat - he has been consistently my favorite of the two brothers. His primal need to protect Dougie always broke my heart. I've always felt that Mat was grounded and knew who he was and even though he had to make nice with the enemy in order to get Dougie back, I never once doubted that he did what he did because of the person that he has always been. Brother. Protector.

I was glad to see that the two boys didn't just snap out of it once they were rescued, that would have been completely unrealistic.

Loved seeing Mat move with the detective.

Dougie - I continue to have mixed feelings for him. In some ways, I think that he's just as manipulative as Nicolai. I really wanted to feel more empathy but nothing about him ever felt real (beyond the first season).

I avoided reviewing this when I finished it a few months ago because I was in denial that it was all over. This is one of my absolute favorite series and I'm still sad that I have no future episodes to look forward to. I'm almost tempted to take away a star because of that disappointed feeling, but I can't because it ended exactly the way it should. This story was a hell of a ride, and I'm so glad I decided to read it despite my initial wariness.

P.S. I will love Mat forever.

Not for the faint hearted, these books cover every kind of traumatic event you could possibly conceive in one story.

The writing is exemplar though throughout and it never felt salacious no matter how depraved or degrading the situation went to.

The final chapter sees the brothers brought out of the darkness and slowly begin the process of putting their lives back together and, while it's painful to experience, there is hope and light and love which gives a sense of peace and that moving on will be possible.

I'm gonna start off by letting you know I won't be rating this.

I can't.

So back story: I end up in a conversation with a woman in a shop. Turns out we both love Ty and Zane from the [b:Cut & Run|5199022|Cut & Run (Cut & Run, #1)|Abigail Roux|https://d2arxad8u2l0g7.cloudfront.net/books/1327894486s/5199022.jpg|5266173] series. So she says "Blah blah blah. There's a Ty and Zane cameo in this series The Flesh Cartel. Blah blah blah" I'm hoping those blah blahs were moments I wasn't paying attention and she was very seriously telling me what kind of story I would be getting myself into.

Some seriously fucked up shit

I hope she told me this. Because she recommended this book to a stranger and, duude, we did NOT know each other well enough for her to let me go into this blind. No one should start this series blind.

I bought the first part (season?) and I started it without reading the blurb. That was my chance to read the warning. I wish I had. The entire story is one huge trigger. I don't even really have book triggers and this was a trigger for me. Trigger is too tame a word. I didn't finish it. I didn't finish because I became literally, physically sick. And I know the difference between literal and figurative. The abuse these two go through was just too graphic for me. After my bout of retching I decided enough was enough and left it at that.

I think leaving the story unfinished let it fester in my brain. I couldn't leave Mat and Dougie where I did. It had to get better for them, right? So fast forward to now a year and a half later and I decide to finish. But I knew it would get worse before it got better so I decided to read the last part (season) and completely skip the middle. This was definitely for the best because I was able to know some of the awfulness in the context of their memories which was bad enough. I had enough on my plate getting to the end.

Mat shines (SHINES) through the story (or the parts I read). He is indomitable and the love he has for his brother is frankly awe-inspiring. I think Mat will stick with me for a very long time. Dougie was more of a mixed bag. I hated him sometimes but I was always desperately pulling for him. I'm glad these men came out the other side. And I hope that is the take away. The human spirit is resilient and can transcend even the most vile of experiences.

I can't rate this and I can't recommend it either. I didn't read the entire series and what I did read made me feel ick. You need a set of brass ovaries to read The Flesh Cartel and I just didn't have what it takes.

After I finished I spent an hour switching between faith in humanity sites like this and this to bring some light back to my brain and this and this to see if there's a way to help.

Good luck to those of you who make it through the entire serial. I look forward to reading what you have to say about it.