I read this book for a class, but I’d recommend it to anyone who wanted to work on being a better listener. It was full of practical suggestions and ideas, and the author wrote the books with the intention of it being useful for both educational reading as well as personal reading, so it is very readable and doesn’t read like a textbook. At the end of each chapter the author provides a listening technique that can be put into practice any time. I plan to hold on to this book and refer to it again in the future as I work on becoming a better listener.

Book 40 of 2020. This book is deceptively simple. Petersen explains how often we think we’re listening to others, but instead, in practice, we are simply sharpening our arguments and waiting for our turn to talk.

He explains “flat-brain syndrome” or how our emotions keep us from thinking clearly and speaking wisely. He gives many, many listening techniques to try.

I would have appreciated some footnotes and backup research. However, many of the things Petersen said made perfect sense to me. The ideas and the advice are pretty simplistic and are often empathetic common sense. However, living out these ideas is terribly difficult. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

This review is actually the first page in a "book report" I had to do for this book. Honestly, I started this book with incredibly low expectations but I have a feeling that, outside the Bible, this will the most influential book I will have read all year.

Jim Peterson wrote this book as a means to foster good communication, specifically through the forgotten art of effective listening. Although he is coming from a background of nearly fifty years of pastoral counseling, what he teaches in this book can be used in every aspect of interpersonal communication. [Jim Peterson, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in Relationships, (Portland, OR: Peterson Publications, 2015) 30.]

The book is a combination of three concepts: Flat-Brain Syndrome, the Talker-Listener Card, and a collection of thirty-three listening techniques. The Flat Brain Syndrome is Peterson’s explanation of why people speak or act out of a negative place. In his theory, a person is made up of three parts: emotions (stomach), the heart, thoughts (head). When a person’s emotions are overloaded, this squeezes out the heart and head. The result is a “squished” or “flat” brain that does not speak or think as rationally as it should. When a person recognizes that someone else is speaking out of a “Flat-Brained Syndrome”, they have the opportunity to either respond in kind or break the cycle providing an opportunity to settle the emotions and restore reason. As Peterson writes, “The more you understand people, the less there is to forgive.” [Ibid., 58.]

The second part of the book introduces the Talker-Listener Card (TLC). This is a two-sided card that Peterson uses in his counseling as well as a variety of other scenarios. One side of this card shares the Talker’s goals, to own the problem and share their feelings, and also conditions, to talk without accusing, attacking, labeling, and judging. The flip side of this card is for the listener. The listener’s goals are to provide safety, to understand, and to clarify. The listener agrees to listen without agreeing, disagreeing, advising, or defending. About the purpose of this card, Peterson writes, “If we take turns, that is, focus on one point of view at a time, we literally can’t argue.” [Peterson, Listen Better, 97.]

In addition to these two parts, Peterson has thirty-three listening tips that run through the course of the book. Most chapters end with one of these tips as well as a page or two of explanation. Sometimes, these tips align well with the previous content of the chapter, but not always. In his preface, Peterson said he placed these tips throughout the book so that the reader can begin practicing them as they read. [Ibid., 7.]