unhingedbookbitch's reviews
316 reviews

Personally, I would not enjoy tiny leprechauns crawling into my vaginal canal. It doesn’t sit right with my spirit. 


⭐️2.5
🌶️2

Bury me with this series. Like I want to be a fun Brown sister and hang with the girlies and date a hot grumpy man plz 

⭐️5
🌶️2

The Thot’s Plot:
The story opens on my bestie girl Miss Danika Brown conducting a witchy ritual to ask divine females for a f*ck buddy (we’ve all been there) cause my girl DOES NOT do relationships. First and foremost, Miss Danika is a #girlboss just trying to finish her PhD and be her most productive, successful self. AS SHE SHOULD. So the school where Dani girl works/is getting her PhD at is where her good, sweet, broody, HOT AF friend Zafir Ansari works. The two have been friendly for a while and “secretly” had the hots for each other. I WOULD WANT TO JUMP ZAF’S BONES TOO. He’s an ex-rugby player who now does security, reads romance books, and RUNS A CHARITY PROGRAM FOR BOYS TO TEACH THEM HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS AND MENTAL HEALTH. HE IS IDEAL. So anyways a little mishap makes it look like Zaffy boy and Dani girl are an internet couple sensation. The two then strike a deal to fake date (with benefits) to help provide publicity to Zaf’s charity program and to provide sexual pleasure to Dani (and Zaf). Butttt (as it always ends up happening), the chemistry is OFF THE CHARTS both physically and emotionally and the two start to blur the lines of their deal.

The Thot’s Thoughts:
So this was the final read for me in the trilogification of the royal family. And by royal family, I mean the Brown sisters. I have loved each sister so so so much but there was something about Dani and Zaf’s story that really resonated with me. This is probs my fave out of the trilogy (but this is hard for me to say cause I just love this series sooooo much). I loved both Dani and Zac so much and loved seeing them grow individually and as a couple. They both felt well-rounded and real. Dani is one of the best written FMCs I’ve read. She has flaws that stem from trauma and acknowledges it but is still a hard-working, confident, smart, and gorgeous girl. Zaf is the first cis-male heterosexual MMC I’ve read that is so in touch with his emotions in a confident way. HE’S SO HOT TOO. I think this story had soooo many lessons and beautiful moments. I just can’t get over how much I loved this story. I also loved how the story deals with mental health and the mental health journey. I just am soooo sad I’m done with the Brown sisters series but I’ll def be reading all the rest of Talia’s book. PRAISE BE TO TALIA HIBBERT.

Tags: F/M romcom, Black plus size bisexual FMC, Pakistani Muslim MMC, friends to lovers, fake dating, interracial couple

Triggers: anxiety, clinical depression, death of family members in car accident (in past), panic attacks, cheating ex

⭐️4.5
🌶️3.5

He’s got caddie issues lol.

Tags: F/M golfing romcom, famous person x #1 Fan, he falls first, type 1 diabetes rep, dual POVs, overprotective MMC, grumpy (him)/sunshine (her), forced proximity, she ate his 🍑 in the shower

Triggers: hurricane, low key alcoholism, lack of health insurance leads to lack of necessary medicine

The Thot’s Plot:
So Miss Girl Josephine is a fan of this hot golfer guy named Wells Whitaker (didn’t know one could dedicate oneself to a golfer but ig he’s hot?). Wells is on the decline in golfing like he is sucking bad and everyone hates him cause he’s an asssh*le but Josephine is like still dedicated for some reason. Couldn’t be me. I give up on men quickly even if they’re hot. Anyways, they live in Florida (which makes the plot make a lot more sense) and a hurricane hits and Josephine’s family’s golf shop (I could only picture like a shitty mini golf course lol) get’s damaged badddd so homegirl is like I HAVE NO MONEY AND I USED MONEY FOR INSURANCE TO BUY MEDICALLY NECESSARY THING (I feel ya girl) so she’s in the shitter basically in terms of reviving her fam’s biz. So Wells like goes to check on her (cause he’s horny for his fangirl but won ’t admit it) and offers miss girl a job as his caddie for large sums of money. SO the two start their teamification of golferama and Wells starts making a comeback then eventually c*ms on Josephine’s back. I said what I said.

The Thot’s Thoughts:
First off what the fuck with the name? Sounds like some shit someone would yell in the pit of a One Direction concert (I would know cause I experienced it).

Josephine and Wells feel like Tessa’s first deep characters that were pretty well-rounded (besides the cringey crap). Josephine’s diabetes rep and how this disability affected her upbringing, choices, and personality felt better written than other TB characters I’ve read in the past. Also, Wells’ actual bad boy (like went to juvie) cause of a shitty home life which led to his shitty personality made sense. I went in being very judgy toward these characters since TB characters are usually one dimensional and like all the sneak peaks we were getting we’re just like eye rolling cringe. But (although not the most developed) these were definitely the most shaped characters she’s written in my opinion. Like I always enjoy her books just because they’re silly and fun and spicy, but it was like nice to have characters that like had a richer background and weren’t as shallow as a kiddie pool. Josephine had some real life serious shit going on like the inability to pay for medically necessary things to live, lack of insurance (and how debilitating it is without it), and keeping her family’s small business afloat. Like I was able to justify some of the cringe shit lol.

This was also the first Tessa Bailey couple where the couple felt like partners and had open conversations (even hard ones). Like Josephine even says it at one point that she misses her partner. Like even tho Wells was a caveman sometimes like he was the most mature MMC of TB’s I’ve experienced. 

The Thot’s (random) Thoughts:
- not the first page being an explanation of what a fangirl is. ITS GIVING WATTPAD 2012
- Oh this takes place in Florida… that makes sense 
- Wells Whitaker sounds like the name of a guy who is in the “country” fraternity, majors in finance but cheats on every test, and accidentally lit his hair on fire after doing a line of coke (this is not a compliment)
- This guy gets into bar fights. This only reaffirms my previous point. He’s not even the fun kinda bad boy.
- Miss girl wore this golfer’s brand of pants to his golf game while following him around the state… Lock her up. This is a crime. No man is worth that kind of attention.
- As someone who stalked One Direction multiple times, I’m finding it hard to relate to this “fangirl.” Like sis be cool about it like stop being fucking weird. 
- This girl is a stalker. Like not even low key. She’s a high key stalker. And not the fun dark romance kind. Like Wells needs to lock his doors and put his drawers in a safe cause she’s coming
- Look I’m a high energy bitch but this hoe must be snorting adderall and shoving coke in her ass to give her this much energy. SMOKE A J AND CALM YOUR TITS GIRL THIS MAN CLEARLY IS A PIECE OF SHIT 
- OK, I’m gonna say it… if Josephine wasn’t a conventionally attractive, skinny white girl, would Wells even care about her? Like it’s giving would Edward have even cared about Bella if he could read her mind?
- The SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT I FELT WHEN JOSEPHINE PAINTED WELLS’ (HER BOSS???) NAME ON HER TOES AND HE SAW!!!! GIRL I SHOULDNT FEEL BAD FOE YOU! You brought this UPON YOURSELF
- When Wells starts grinding up on miss girl over here, SHE TAKES CONTROL OF THE GAME SIS IS 1. LISTING DEMANDS 2. CALLING THE SHOTS 3. SHE IS MAKING HIM BEND TO HER WILL (girlboss in bed)
- I’m gonna say it… golf is not a sexy game but TB has the rent PAST DUE and is making golfing as sexual as possible. I’m not complaining. 
- No matching outfits plz Jesus Christ. My used to put me and my sisters in matching outfits as toddlers. Nobody wants to see adults play dress match up unless they dressing as The Shining twins and even THAT is a stretch
- These hoes thirsty af get them some milk YALL ARE ABOUT TO BE ON TV PLAYING GOLF PUT YOUR TITTIES AWAY (& I’m referring to both Josephine and Wells)
- My girl is playing with his booty hole fr. 
- AND NOT SHES EATING HIS ASS HOW THE TURN TABLES. She like his hole and his shaft (golf pun)
- I have seen the word “epithets” used 3 times in this book and like I’ve never even heard that word before ESPECIALLY MID COITUS (I didn’t do well on my standardized testing okayyyy??)
- LEMME JUST SAY. If my mom walked in on my young, hot, rich famous boss guy making the moves on me, she’d be ELATED.
- Just when I start believing in TB, SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME MAD. The MMC legit states that “Champagne was for women…” wtf is this misogynistic behavior in the year of our lord 2024 TB???? You telling me your daddy doesn’t drink the bubbly??? RED FLAF RED FLAG
- I feel like this whole book idea came from when Tessa Bailey was riding a golf cart and was like what if someone got railed on this??

Like a bag of hot Cheetos, this shit was hot af and hit exactly as it should

⭐️3.75
🌶️2.5

Putting a whole new meaning to “he got that dog in him.” 

This is my first omegaverse book and I do not understand what the omegaverse is. I thought omega was just a blood type until recently so my knowledge is not vast on anything omega related. I know there’s dogs (there’s 2 wolves in me) and humans and like they’re in heat or some shit but that’s it. My thoughts on this book are a lot but I’ll sum it up by saying: it was like the only EDM rave I’ve ever been to - I had a fun chaotic time, I don’t remember most of it, and I don’t ever want to experience it again but overall a good time was had.

THE THOT’S PLOT (a new segment where I try to remember the book and give you a non-spoiler plot in my own words):
So miss girl (legit forgot her name and had to look it up) Mackenzie is an omegatron (barbz RIP until Nicki gets her act together) wolf shifter ER doctor (or should I say DOGtor sorry). Then there’s this Adam Driver looking motherf*cker Mr. Alpha wolf man named Noah. Mackenzie and Noah pretend to date for weak af reasons but whatevs I guess. Their commitment to the act becomes Austin-Butler-as-Elvis-in-the-movie-but-he-actually-became-more-Elvis-than-Austin-IRL-esque and they start taking that act from the streets to the sheets (aka they bang and develop feelings). For 2 people with so many degrees, you’d think they’d get a fucking blue’s clue (you get it? cause blue is a dog and the characters in this book are part dog? (should I have done a Scooby doo reference instead?)) about each other’s growing feelings. I bet these 2 fckers don’t have any student debt and I kinda hold that against them. 

Things I enjoyed:
- Look I know I bitch a lo belowt. But this book was fun and silly and lighthearted.  I’m just better at elaborating on shit I hate than shit I like. And I did like this book overall.
- love that Mackenzie was this independent, sexually liberated, smart doctor. She was a likable character despite my previous bitching about her behavior. 

Things that irked me:
- I’m assuming you need to go into this book already understanding the omegaverse but like I know NOTHING and the characters are yapping like I should know the rules and vibes of omegatron-ness BUT I DONT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S DIFFERENT KINDS OF SHIFTERS??? AND YOU CAN TELL BY SMELLING???? WHERES THE OMEGATRON MANUAL??? I am confusion!!!
- Why is everyone in the book obsessed with Noah fcking Mackenzie??? Like the hospital is up in arms about it Jesus y’all acting like the opening song from Anastasia like go watch the news people there’s BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN THE ADAM DRIVER IMPERSONATOR DIDDLING A BLONDE WHITE WOMAN! Y’all don’t have yalls own problems to be discussing with others??? Yall are too concerned with this couple. Like juicy gossip is one thing but yall yapping about EVERY INTERACTION LIKE THERE ISNT ANYTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. And then everyone knew this other dude (a BETA wolf guy nonetheless😩 how beta of him) had his eyes on Mackenzie??? Why are so many people concerned about the relations of a blonde white woman??? Unless she’s Miss Swift, I don’t give a fck imma say it. Like so much yapping and not enough action.
- I think the downfall of this book is the aforementioned yapping. Like look I get that the MCs gotta think but I felt like I read more internal monologuing than actual plot. Like at least make the thinking out loud with another character and not just endless pages of trains of thought and pondering. I already am stuck in my own rambling thoughts 24/7, I don’t need to see anyone else’s.
- SPOILER FOR A THIS NOTE LOOK AWAY IF YOU WANT TO BEFORE I YAP! Ok Dennis’ little blackmail thing is so stupid. Like Noah if he’s going to gaslight you then gaslight him just go to the board and be like this motherfcker was trying to blackmail me and make me break up with my mate and he’s a liar send him to jail. Or just tell Mackenzie that Dennis found out and act y’all broke up… YALL ALREADY AVTING ANYWAY. Like this was some 90s romcom shit to be like you have to break up with your bf/gf and convince them it’s your idea… like ma’am is this Moulin Rouge???? is this really life or death??? Fucjing queue up Gotta Go My Own Way from high school musical 2. But I do love that Mackenzie confronts Noah and is like YOU LIKE ME AND YOU SHOULDVE TOLD ME ABOUT DENNIS YOU ADORABLE SHITHEAD.  Still a stupid reason to breakup tho like yall are dramatique.
END OF SPOILER

TRIGGERED - 
Also (ignoring for now the fact that the intercourse between alphabets and omega3s are a BIG DEAL like Jesus WE GET IT YALLS BITS AND PARTS ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER OK), I got uncomfy with scene where Mack was trying to get Noah to sleep with her. I work as a s*xual ass*ult advocate so maybe I’m overly sensitive but idk man that scene didn’t sit right with my spirit. I’m all about women’s sexual liberation #girlboss and happy to see the portrayal of a FMC asking for what she wants sexually, but this didn’t feel like that. It felt like r@pe-y like if it was reversed roles like Noah coming on hard to Mack and she’s all hesitant like that’d be just as creepy. Like Mackenzie says he’s being “chivalrous” when he’s not saying yes to f*cking but like he has reasons for not wanting to and is super hesitant. AND LEMME JUST GET ON MY SOAP BOX REAL QUICK… just because you are turned on and thinking about the intercourse NO STILL MEANS NO. You should go in 100%. If you at 99%, I’m rounding it down to 0%. There’s a difference between being nervous and not wanting to do something (the reason can be whatever, any reason is valid). Okay? Okay. I’m stepping off the box now. Y’all come grab your soap.

Omegatron verse commentary:
- So like is the alphas and omegas mixing like universal donor and universal receiver blood mixing like what’s the big deal??? I DONT UNDERSTAND. 
- Tf is a mating gland? Sis do you mean your ovaries? Does this fucker bite you in the ovaries? America explain 
- A heat cycle??? Is that like equivalent to ovulating? That I can understand, my thirst is off the charts at peak ovulation ig
- Smells are important apparently, good thing I got some Victoria’s Secret smelling spray so I can smell juicy to all the wolf people out there. Y’all gonna want to be biting my glands for sure
- So you’re telling me that some wolf guy could smack into me in the hall then I’d go around smelling like wet dog all day??? And other wolf guys would be like she’s taken?? It’s giving “T for Troy” necklace vibes 
- Coat = wolf fur… not an actual coat. I did not understand this for an absurd amount of time reading this and I wondering wtf was the big deal with everyone’s winter coats☠️☠️
- Wolf people do actual necking to spread their smell. Like legit neck to neck. 
- Apparently alphas and omegas are the most sexually compatible… whatever that means (I’m gonna assume that if you’re fucking a half wolf that the sex would be feral and fun regardless of wolf status - how classist of the omegaverse)
- Ok alphabets and omegatrons f*cking is a VERY big deal. They won’t stfu about it. Sounds like they about to lose their virginity fr.
- OHHHHHHHH alpha = dom and omega = sub AHHHHH ok
- Idk about the knot man… I can barely stand the presence of men AND YOU WANT HIM TO ATTACH HIMSELF TO ME INTERNALLY???  
- I PASSED OUT LAST TIME I GOT A PAP SMEAR IDK IF I COULD HANDLE A KNOT
- So even tho he’s alpha, the man is pussy whipped fr after getting that good omega poonani. Very beta of him😤
- So much smelling going on. I don’t think I’ve ever read such a sniff-heavy book
- IM DYING LAUGHING AT THIS SCENE WHERE SHE PASSES OUT WHEN SHE GOES INTO HEAT. I THOUGHT THIS BITCH WAS ABOUT TO BE UNALIVE. NO! She’s just entered her ovulation/heat era smdh I cannot stop laughing like I thought homegirl was about to get an iron lung or something norrrr she just so horny she could unalive if she doesn’t fck (aren’t we all?)
- I sympathize if the fictional heat bodily reaction is like the human period cycle that shit be making me vom and ptfo
- Also now that I understand what the hype is about the omega3 and alphabet soup collab, I’m vvvvv annoyed that Mack and Noah keep wondering why they’re acting weird and clingy after boinking. LIKE HELLO YALL BEEN MAKING A BIG ASS DEAL ABOUT THE ALPHA x OMEGATRON collab ALL BOOK and NOW YOURE suddenly surprised yall are simping hard???? I THOUGHT YALL WERE GENIUS MAGICAL WERE-DOCTORS!!! USE YOUR BRAINS!!!!
- Apparently the wolf-people infested USA in this book has leave for women and couples IN HEAT???? What kinda miracle healthcare system and work life balance have the wolf people established??? We need to elect more wolf people into Congress
- I still can’t over that their jobs are giving them both paid leave for a sex-cursion 

Again, overall I liked the book. I wasn’t like itching to keep picking up the book which is why it took me soooo long (like 3 weeks and thats very long for me) and the pacing was a little off. Still I like how light hearted and cutesy it was and now I’m an honorary omegaverse citizen🫡

Tags: F/M, wolf shifters or something, modern day romantasy, omegaverse ig idk, fake dating, dual povs, grumpy (him) x sunshine (her), he falls first, workplace romance, praise, alpha x omega, slight age gap (i think like 7 years? Idk man I forgot)

Triggers: child abandonment (in past), blackmail

⭐️3.5

🌶️3.5

Blonde Katniss Everdeen f*cks an Avatar blue alien after he kidnaps her. Straight up Stockholm syndrome AND YET I ENJOYED IT????? MY MORALS??? GONE BYE!!!! Also I’m deddddd that these f*ckers get a throat bug and ALL OF SUDDEN they got some Paul Hollywood blue af eyes and are horny af. Still not over it lol

Tags: F/M, sci fi romance, human woman x alien guy, forced proximity (forced by a MAN ew), touch her & d!e, fated mates, haters to lovers, dual POVs, he falls first

Triggers: kidnapping, mentions of r@pe, Stockholm Syndrome, gore

My guy (alien called Rasputin or some shit idk his name I forgot but it’s basically Rasputin so we sticking with that) legit napped that kid Liz (thee whitest girl name™️ no shade no tea just facts) and brought her to a CAVE yet Liz likes it??? (couldn’t be me I hate nature no shade no tea I’m just allergic to fresh air and grass). Rasputin stuck a BUG IN HER NECK BY FORCE but it was to save her so it was justified. Look I’m sorry but don’t resuscitate me at that point. Forced to live on an ice planet without Diet Coke???? And the only way to survive is to let a bug live in my temple of a body??? Nor couldn’t be me. If I gotta shit in buckets for the rest of my life then leave me be. Let God take care of me at that point. or Satan. I know who I am and I know I got only a 50/50 chance getting into heaven. Anyways, live on a planet with random blue alpha males and no air conditioning??? I’d rather not. And like Liz was pissed about it at first AS SHE SHOULD BE and like called out all the weird shit (including how she shouldn’t be into Rasputin) but then was like defending him… sis you set back feminism by 20 years. But I set it back another 10 years by enjoying this book lol. 

Look I went into this series being like maybe I’ll read the rest and imma say it… IM HOOKED. This shit is fun and light and Liz  being mean and yapping nonstop was so good. It’s almost like a blue bug crawled its way into my cold heart and warmed me up and made me horny. Ok I’m done sorry bye.