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themaggiemch's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.0
This was a really interesting self-help book, and though it was short, I got some good tips out of it. I will say, I didn't agree 100% with the author on everything, and some chapters were more helpful than others, but there was some advice that I could see myself implementing into my life (or at least trying to).
Here's a list of some of the tips I wrote down:
- Focus on yourself, rather than others
- Flip the question: what can I do?
- When do I try to change others to manage my anxiety?
- Separate your thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of everyone else
- Treat anxiety like a smoke alarm: it's annoying, but useful. Look to see if there's ACTUALLY a fire!
-Anxiety encourages an "all-or-nothing" life by using words like "always", "never", or "definitely".
- Observe your life with the curiosity of a researcher, not the disapproval of a critic
- Become "pen pals" with your anxiety and realize that it's like a concerned but meddling friend who just wants the best for you but doesn't know how to help you get it
- Don't "borrow yourself"- we borrow confidence from others, but when we give people that power over us, they can also take our confidence
- Evaluate yourself before asking for the opinions of others
- Uncomfortable just means you're off of autopilot
- By changing just one variable- yourself- you change the whole equation
- We look to others to fill in the gaps of our maturity; we often demand that others change as a way of managing our insecurities
- Don't use an "as soon as" mindset
- Make space for being curious, as curiosity can drive productivity
- Sometimes we just have to focus on the "monster of the week"
Overall, an informative book with helpful ideas, and one I'm glad I read!
Here's a list of some of the tips I wrote down:
- Focus on yourself, rather than others
- Flip the question: what can I do?
- When do I try to change others to manage my anxiety?
- Separate your thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of everyone else
- Treat anxiety like a smoke alarm: it's annoying, but useful. Look to see if there's ACTUALLY a fire!
-Anxiety encourages an "all-or-nothing" life by using words like "always", "never", or "definitely".
- Observe your life with the curiosity of a researcher, not the disapproval of a critic
- Become "pen pals" with your anxiety and realize that it's like a concerned but meddling friend who just wants the best for you but doesn't know how to help you get it
- Don't "borrow yourself"- we borrow confidence from others, but when we give people that power over us, they can also take our confidence
- Evaluate yourself before asking for the opinions of others
- Uncomfortable just means you're off of autopilot
- By changing just one variable- yourself- you change the whole equation
- We look to others to fill in the gaps of our maturity; we often demand that others change as a way of managing our insecurities
- Don't use an "as soon as" mindset
- Make space for being curious, as curiosity can drive productivity
- Sometimes we just have to focus on the "monster of the week"
Overall, an informative book with helpful ideas, and one I'm glad I read!
mandirigma's review against another edition
3.0
3.5 out of 5 stars.
This book is based on Bowen theory, which (I think) is the idea that anxiety comes from and is exacerbated by the automatic reactions we employ in our relationships. As it is a self-help book, the idea is pretty much that you only have control over your own responses to life, and you have to differentiate yourself from the actions and reactions of others. I found the early chapters on self and the later chapters on the job hunt and politics to be pretty helpful and could probably apply to the general population.
This book seems more geared toward people living with the general anxiety we have as a culture and not so much people with capital A, medically diagnosed Anxiety or PTSD. I agree with other reviewers in that the chapters on family relationships and bad bosses seemed to minimize how toxic and abusive these relationships can be, and I think people looking for that specific kind of help probably will not find this book too helpful.
This book is based on Bowen theory, which (I think) is the idea that anxiety comes from and is exacerbated by the automatic reactions we employ in our relationships. As it is a self-help book, the idea is pretty much that you only have control over your own responses to life, and you have to differentiate yourself from the actions and reactions of others. I found the early chapters on self and the later chapters on the job hunt and politics to be pretty helpful and could probably apply to the general population.
This book seems more geared toward people living with the general anxiety we have as a culture and not so much people with capital A, medically diagnosed Anxiety or PTSD. I agree with other reviewers in that the chapters on family relationships and bad bosses seemed to minimize how toxic and abusive these relationships can be, and I think people looking for that specific kind of help probably will not find this book too helpful.
mnstucki's review against another edition
4.0
This would be five stars if it was written to a wider audience but it most definitely is geared toward millennials. Still, though, Bowen/differentiation theory rings very true for me and even though it’s challenging to implement it feels empowering rather than being at the mercy of your own emotions and how other people function. Definitely recommend this to everybody, even if you don’t fit her target audience.
cwdaniels's review against another edition
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
A really great and accessible intro into Bowen Theory with plenty of personal anecdotes, questions, and practices to try on yourself!
samantha_shain's review against another edition
3.0
Some really interesting ideas about differentiation that I found helpful. It's true to my experience that building up my own self confidence has reduced social anxiety. However, I found the book lacking in contextualizing anxiety as a medical condition that is also treatable with medication. I also thought that some of the author's wordchoice was unexamined (ie use of addiction, use of maturity). As someone who has spent a lot of time on improving/coping/taking responsibility for my mental health (or lack thereof), this book resonates with me but suffers from a lack of structural analysis. I'd like to read more of Bowen directly to see if this vulnerability is attributed to his theory or to Smith's interpretation.
sbojo32's review against another edition
3.0
I started this audiobook almost two months ago... and then stopped driving so it was tough to finish, but I did. I suffer from anxiety, so I was going to listen to this for myself. However, this seemed more regarding anxiety having to do with relationships (partners, friends, family, co-workers) and what your role is in those relationships. It was all relatable and all done well, but it didn't hit what I was looking for.
I liked the stories from therapy that led into each chapter and they did relate, but it did start to seem repetitive. The same advice was given over and over again. The end was nice where the author could relate her own anxiety, but again, her anxiety wasn't related to a lot of the other stories. I wanted more about dealing with your own fears and anxiety that is unrelated to how you relate to others - it's just all yours, in your head. I didn't get that.
Thank you to Libro.fm for an audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
Merged review:
I started this audiobook almost two months ago... and then stopped driving so it was tough to finish, but I did. I suffer from anxiety, so I was going to listen to this for myself. However, this seemed more regarding anxiety having to do with relationships (partners, friends, family, co-workers) and what your role is in those relationships. It was all relatable and all done well, but it didn't hit what I was looking for.
I liked the stories from therapy that led into each chapter and they did relate, but it did start to seem repetitive. The same advice was given over and over again. The end was nice where the author could relate her own anxiety, but again, her anxiety wasn't related to a lot of the other stories. I wanted more about dealing with your own fears and anxiety that is unrelated to how you relate to others - it's just all yours, in your head. I didn't get that.
Thank you to Libro.fm for an audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
I liked the stories from therapy that led into each chapter and they did relate, but it did start to seem repetitive. The same advice was given over and over again. The end was nice where the author could relate her own anxiety, but again, her anxiety wasn't related to a lot of the other stories. I wanted more about dealing with your own fears and anxiety that is unrelated to how you relate to others - it's just all yours, in your head. I didn't get that.
Thank you to Libro.fm for an audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
Merged review:
I started this audiobook almost two months ago... and then stopped driving so it was tough to finish, but I did. I suffer from anxiety, so I was going to listen to this for myself. However, this seemed more regarding anxiety having to do with relationships (partners, friends, family, co-workers) and what your role is in those relationships. It was all relatable and all done well, but it didn't hit what I was looking for.
I liked the stories from therapy that led into each chapter and they did relate, but it did start to seem repetitive. The same advice was given over and over again. The end was nice where the author could relate her own anxiety, but again, her anxiety wasn't related to a lot of the other stories. I wanted more about dealing with your own fears and anxiety that is unrelated to how you relate to others - it's just all yours, in your head. I didn't get that.
Thank you to Libro.fm for an audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
jillccox's review against another edition
5.0
Easy to read and full of helpful information and practices. I will definitely read it again!
jenembklyn's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.25
Some helpful insights, but I just don’t think the Bowen method clicks for me.
emily1602's review against another edition
I feel like my problems are completely different from the ones this book addresses.